Trump Is a Fuckboi and Fauci Is the Homie Who’s About to Expose His Lying Ass

Illustration for article titled Trump Is a Fuckboi and Fauci Is the Homie Who’s About to Expose His Lying Ass
Photo: Alex Wong (Getty Images)

Back in my fuckboi days, when I had like four girlfriends, I used to do a move I called, “divide and keep dividing.”

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It looked like this: I would tell one girlfriend a lie and then I had to keep her away from anyone else who could tell her the truth because that would fuck up all my lies.

It wasn’t sophisticated. It wasn’t even effective; it was a Hail Mary effort from, well, a fuckboi. I’ve changed. I exfoliate now. I drink almond milk. I believe in the power of CBD oil. I’m different now, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t know some fuckboi shit when I see it.

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On Tuesday, President Trump was running his own “divide and keep dividing” moves when he said that he’d allow Dr. Anthony Fauci, the government’s top infectious disease expert, to appear before the Senate and not the House because the House is full of “Trump haters.”

“The House is a set-up. The House is a bunch of Trump haters,” the president told reporters as he was on his way to visit a Honeywell factory in Arizona, the Hill reports.

“But Dr. Fauci will be testifying in front of the Senate, and he looks forward to doing that,” Trump added. “But the House I will tell you, the House, they should be ashamed of themselves. And, frankly, the Democrats should be ashamed, because they don’t want us to succeed. They want us to fail so they can win an election.”

Think of the dynamic like this: Trump is a lying fuckboi who cheats on America with everyone that will allow it (which is mostly Russia, North Korea and prostitutes). Trump’s supposed boo is America but he hates her. He lies to her and cheats on her and doesn’t believe in anything that she stands for. Dr. Fauci is the neutral party who is tired of seeing America treated this way. The Senate is the fraternity Trump pledged when first stepping on campus. The House is America’s friends who are tired of Trump’s bullshit.

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Trump believes that he doesn’t have to respect the House because he’s not dating them. In fact, he complained about the House’s special oversight committee created to review the government’s response—or non-response—to the coronavirus pandemic and even singled out Reps. Maxine Waters (D-Calif.) and Carolyn Maloney (D-N.Y.) because you know Auntie Maxine is not here for Trump’s bullshit. Ever.

And because Trump is the kind of asshole that just changes the rules when he’s losing, on Monday, his administration “issued new guidelines barring coronavirus task force members from accepting invitations to appear before congressional panels this month unless White House chief of staff Mark Meadows grants permission,” the Hill reports.

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From the Hill:

In releasing the policy, top administration officials argued the coronavirus task force and the primary agencies responding to the pandemic need to focus their attention and resources on response efforts, and that having them testify could use up critical hours.

“We’re telling agencies that during this unprecedented time our resources need to be dedicated toward the coronavirus. At this stage we really need everybody manning their stations and prioritizing coronavirus response work,” a senior administration official told The Hill.

The president’s comments Tuesday, however, signaled a willingness to allow top officials to appear before the GOP-controlled Senate, which the administration may perceive as friendlier territory than the Democratic-controlled House.

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Dr. Fauci is set to appear before the GOP-led Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee on May 12. While this hearing is coronavirus-related, it’ll likely be much different than the House’s “Tell us exactly how Trump dropped all the balls during this pandemic” hearing they want to have.

The Hill notes that “There are more than 1.1 million confirmed coronavirus cases and more than 69,000 people have died in the U.S. as of Tuesday morning.” Trump doesn’t want Dr. Fauci talking with America’s friends because Trump’s lies won’t hold up and unless Dr. Fauci defies the president’s orders and runs the risk of being fired, then the president is going to get his way.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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DISCUSSION

thirdamendmentman
ThirdAmendmentMan

I’ve changed. I exfoliate now. I drink almond milk. I believe in the power of CBD oil.

Not helping your argument.