Then-Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump sits with his wife, Melania Trump, while appearing at an NBC Town Hall at the Today show on April 21, 2016, in New York City.
Photo: Spencer Platt (Getty Images)

With a full heart and clear eyes, President Donald Trump tweeted, earnestly, that he’s getting tired of the “vicious” treatment first lady Melania Trump has received behind her weeklong absence from the public eye.

“The Fake News Media has been so unfair, and vicious, to my wife and our great First Lady, Melania,” Trump tweeted. “During her recovery from surgery they reported everything from near death, to facelift, to left the W.H. (and me) for N.Y. or Virginia, to abuse. All Fake, she is doing really well!” he continued, Yahoo! News reports.

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Trump, who is currently being dragged through the media for his reported sexual relationship with porn actress Stormy Daniels, who reportedly spanked the president’s untanned, saggy buttocks with a rolled-up Forbes magazine, believes that the media is being tough on his wife.

That’s laughable at best. Trump acts as if the media had something to do with her stealing Michelle Obama’s speech, or her dumbass program that she named “Be Best” because that makes no sense at all.

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And let’s not forget “I don’t want to touch this old man’s dead hands”-gate, which follows every public appearance that she makes with the president.

Melania hates this man so much that she didn’t even want to drive in the same car with him to the 2018 State of the Union speech. But in the words of the great philosopher from Fayetteville, N.C., J. Cole, “Don’t save her, she don’t want to be saved.”

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Melania is doing such a fine job of playing herself that the media doesn’t have to work overtime to target her. She’s a complicit captive with Stockholm syndrome whose disappearance is news, and the media covered it.

Nevertheless, someone posing as Melania (fine, it really was Melania, maybe?) made her first appearance in weeks since the White House noted that the first lady had undergone a surgical procedure on her defiant kidney. On Monday, someone looking like Melania (it probably was her, but whatever) attended a reception for Gold Star families.

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For the first time since May 10, Melania (or a nicely decorated broomstick with an evil scowl and a wig) was seen in public. Melania was able to make it to the president’s wypipo party, dubbed the “Celebration for America,” because even she knew that party was lame as fuck.

As Yahoo! News notes, the mainstream media didn’t engage in wild speculative claims that the first lady had a face-lift or had been abused or was near death; that was social media.

Yahoo! News pointed out the hypocrisy of Trump’s tweets:

Trump has long spread conspiracy theories on a wide range of topics. And last June he publicly described “Morning Joe” co-host Mika Brzezinski as “bleeding badly from a face-lift” during an earlier encounter. Trump was widely criticized by both Democrats and Republicans for the personal attack.

Joe Scarborough, Brzezinski’s co-host and fiancé, was quick to note the hypocrisy of Trump’s complaint about the coverage of Melania.

“I agree that it would be ‘vicious’ and ‘unfair’ to lie about a loved one having a facelift for the purpose of causing pain and embarrassment,” Scarborough tweeted. “Mr. President, can you imagine anyone would be so cruel to do such a thing?”

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Because the president is a liar of epic proportions, he even claimed that reporters who saw Melania inside the White House last week didn’t mention it, except they did.

“Four reporters spotted Melania in the White House last week walking merrily along to a meeting,” Trump tweeted. “They never reported the sighting because it would hurt the sick narrative that she was living in a different part of the world, was really ill, or whatever. Fake News is really bad!”

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The president has never let the truth get in the way of a good tweet, but crafting this narrative of Melania as the damsel in distress in a gilded cage is hilarious considering that most of the damage inflicted on the first lady has been by way of her “Grab ’em by the pussy,” cheating-ass, misogynist husband.