After taking a shower in pig vomit and playing a full game of golf in the Oval Office in which Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) held the presidentβs golf tee in his mouth while wearing only an adult diaper, the president claimed on Wednesday that special counsel Robert Muellerβs investigation was nothing more than an βattempted coupβ to remove him fromΒ office.
βIt was an illegal investigation. It was started illegally. Everything about it was crooked,β the president told reporters outside the White House, Politico reports. The president continued his mantra that Mueller and his investigators probing allegations that the presidentβs 2016 campaign was βfriends with benefitsβ with the Russian government βwere people that truly hated Donald Trump.β
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βThis was an attempted coup,β he continued. βThis was an attempted takedown of a president, and we beat them.β
This is effective for several reasons, and it proves that Trump is always on the hustle.
First, it continues this long held push by Trump to pit himself as the underdog. These evil people tried to throw me out of office, but in the end, justice prevailed!
Secondly, it pits Trump as honest and those seeking his removal as dishonest. Itβs why Trump always needs an enemy. Since taking office, Trump has taken swipes at everyone, including those who donβt give a shit about him. From the outset, heβs called Muellerβs probe a βwitch huntβ and slammed everyone interested in finding out whether there was collusion between Russia and Trumpβs administration.
Lastly, itβs a racist bullhorn to his base. What does any of this have to do with race? Well nothing, but when it comes to Trump, itβs always a racist bullhorn to his base.
Had Mueller just concluded whether or not Trump obstructed justice, we might not be here, but Mueller punted and Attorney General William Barr decided that heβd pick up the ball and run with it. While no one asked the lead singer of the Flintstones, who are not from Michigan, to offer his conclusion on Muellerβs long-ass report, he did anyway, with Politico adding βthat Mueller did not fully exonerate Trump in an obstruction of justice inquiry, but Barr added that he did not believe there was enough evidence to bring charges on the matter.β
Meanwhile several people on Muellerβs team are like βBitch, huh?β to Barrβs assessment of the investigation.
Democrats want Barr to release the more than 300-page report, but Barr has said consistently that Congress will get the same redacted report that the public will get within a week.
Trump said he has not seen the report and heβs probably not lying because the report is really long and Trump has issues reading. Someone has surely briefed him on the report, but Trump probably didnβt listen to the parts that were boring because he only wanted to hear that heβs not guilty.
And heβs totally guilty...so guilty. The guiltiest.
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