On Wednesday, Trump gave what might have been his most bizarre, impromptu press conference to a pool of waiting reporters. Trump’s presidency has been famous for unhinged soundbites; we should never forget that this is a man who was caught on a hot mic proclaiming that sexually assaulting women is perfectly fine—if you’re famous.
As it stands, the Trump unhinged rant train is never late. But Wednesday might’ve produced the most random, unflinching look at a man whose mind is lost. In less than 30 minutes, Trump called himself the “chosen one,” lied about his visits to Texas, called out a reporter and the network he works for, threatened Europe, toyed with the idea of ending birthright citizenship, pushed the idea of staying in office once his term ends and blamed Obama for the mess he’s made at the border.
While the Trump administration has singlehandedly destroyed an average news cycle (which used to be 24 hours, at minimum), in one impromptu press conference Trump proved once again that he’s unfit for the job—and he did it in the shortest amount of time ever. Below is a full breakdown of all the crazy comments he made on a random-ass Wednesday.
Trump Claims to be the Chosen One
Look. At. This. Shit. Either the president of the United States is trolling all of us, which very well may be happening, or he really thinks he’s the chosen one. You can’t make this shit up.
Trump Claims All Kinds of Made-Up Shit Happened That Didn’t Happen
There were hundreds of bodies on the floor, my dude? We call this life-hyping. Life hyping is when you add a rack of Lawry’s to an actual story to season the fuck out of it. Life-hyping is when you are retelling an actual event that happened but you add spicy details to make your act of heroics or embarrassment even sadder or more Herculean.
This is what Trump does as it plays into his God complex. He likes to make things sound more devastating or glorious depending on what story he’s trying to sell. When it comes to the economy, despite all signs point to a recession, it’s booming. Racism: According to Trump, he’s the least racist person that anyone knows. Mass shooting: Carnage and bodies on the floor.
Trump Threatens Europe
He straight threatened Europe. He didn’t just threaten Europe, he threatened to release ISIS fighters into Europe, which isn’t a normal threat. A normal threat is “Say that shit at 3:00!” He said that the U.S. isn’t going to keep holding these prisoners and if countries like France and Germany, major U.S. allies, don’t take their prisoners then he has no choice but to release them onto the streets in their country.
In the words of Sam, my barber, “Man, look at this nigga here.”
Trump Shares His Love for the NRA
Trump again proves that he’s a puppet for the NRA, which isn’t a Trump diss, as that’s just the majority of Republicans. It’s really a simple formula when you look at it: White men love guns. Powerful white men control guns. White men always feel threatened that they are going to lose something. Powerful white men love money. White men ain’t giving up guns, the 2nd Amendment or some shit.
Trump Kicks the Idea of Staying in Office Forever
Trump really believes this and would like nothing better than to serve in office indefinitely. He continuously retweets the Time magazine cover that was trolling his administration for being a dictatorship because Trump would love nothing more than to be taken seriously no matter how much of a joke he proves himself to be.
Trump Slams Reporter...to His Face!
Trump straight bashes a reporter to his face! I’m just waiting for the moment when a reporter tells the president of the United States “I will fuck you up!” It’s come close a few times, but at this point, it’s only a matter of time before a reporter gets tired of Trump’s bullshit.
Trump Blames Obama for Everything
This entire border catastrophe was created, pushed and ultimately fucked up by the Trump administration, and yet, they won’t claim it. As it stands, the fictional crisis at the border, the images of migrant babies in cages sleeping on concrete floors is the work of the Obama administration, Hillary Clinton’s emails, Stacey Abrams’ overall awesomeness and Jay-Z’s contract with the NFL. It’s unclear why the president won’t own what will ultimately become the anchor in his sinking administration, but why claim anything if you never have to?
Trump Can’t Say Absurd
Trump, president “pussy grabber” himself, was offended by the word “absurd.” That’s why he claims he blew off his visit to Denmark. Trump was offended that the prime minister of Denmark called Trump’s absurd claims to buy Greenland—which isn’t for sale—by its name. Oh, and this can’t be overstated: Trump can’t even pronounce the word “absurd.” Watch the clip above again and listen to him mangle the word like a soggy piece of KFC original recipe.
Trump Floats the Idea of Ending Birthright Citizenship
Trump is a bitch. That’s it. That’s the story.