Trump Called Out Attorney General Jeff Sessions Because He Doesn’t Understand How This Works

Attorney General Jeff Sessions
Attorney General Jeff Sessions
Photo: Chris Kleponis (Getty Images)

The president is proof that a subhuman nonthinking white man can one day become the leader of the free world. Asparagus should feel inspired. Sure, it is nonverbal, and yes, it is merely a vegetable, but other than color, what’s the difference between asparagus and the president?

Seriously, they both know about the same when it comes to governing. You’d think at this point that the president would understand that while he gets to appoint the attorney general, the appointee is not his personal lawyer and therefore can do whatever he or she wants.

But that didn’t stop Donald Trump from blasting Jeff “King Keebler” Sessions’ decision-making because he loves undermining his own appointee.


The funniest part of all this is that Trump slapped King Keebler down, when clearly this investigation was an attempt to appease the president. The president was reacting to news on Tuesday that Big Keebler, the Justice Department’s inspector general, will investigate allegations that the FBI and DOJ bypassed the law in efforts to obtain Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act warrants. That somehow the Obama administration didn’t go through FISA when bugging folks.

Here’s how The Hill explains this fuss fight over more rumored shit that most likely didn’t happen:

Trump has publicly pressed Sessions to open up an investigation into potential abuses of the program, which allows U.S. law enforcement and intelligence agencies to obtain secret surveillance orders on individuals in the U.S. suspected of being foreign terrorists or spies.

The president claimed last year that the Obama administration improperly wiretapped members of his presidential campaign and transition team, though the White House has not provided any evidence to support that claim.

Allegations of FISA abuses surfaced again last month, when Republicans on the House Intelligence Committee released a controversial memo alleging that FBI and Justice Department officials misused their authority to obtain a surveillance order on Carter Page, a former Trump campaign adviser.


So King Keebler Klaus—or KKK, for short—finally said, “Fine. ‘I’ll fake-look into it.” Basically, he was throwing the president a bone, and even that pissed off the president because nothing is good enough for this man. In fact, what the president wanted KKK to do is open the biggest investigation of all the investigations in an attempt to throw everyone off the scent of the piroshki baking in the White House oven.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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oh, he know’s what he’s doing. He doesn’t know what he’s saying, but he knows that Kushner is diminished, Gates and Papadoupolous are talking and Mueller is looking at his business dealings in Russia before he announced. He’s not interested in truth, he’s interested in trying to work his base up into a fever pitch so he has an excuse to fire Sessions and hire someone who will end his investigation.

Since Trump can’t fire him without his buddies in the Senate going apeshit, Trump is creating a hostile work environment, to try to embarrass Sessions into quitting.
He’s the abusive boyfriend that wants out of his relationship but is too cowardly to break up, so he tries to crush the soul of his lover until they leave, broken, but blaming themselves.