Trump and Russia Didn’t Just Collude; They Have a Shared Phone Plan and Gift Registry at Target

A protester carries a sign depicting Vladimir Putin and President Donald Trump during the Impeachment March calling for Trump’s impeachment on July 2, 2017, in Los Angeles. (David McNew/Getty Images)
A protester carries a sign depicting Vladimir Putin and President Donald Trump during the Impeachment March calling for Trump’s impeachment on July 2, 2017, in Los Angeles. (David McNew/Getty Images)

President Donald TrumPutin’s approval rating is hovering around the same temperature at which water freezes; meanwhile, the investigation by MTV’s Nev and Max into Russia’s catfishing of America’s voting process is heating up (meaning that Nev and Max are doing some serious Googling), and this president of Jacksonville, Fla., called the Russian president to thank him for saying nice things about him.


WTF?! [Drago voice.]

Seriously, no one in KluxKlan, Kan., gives a shit that the president of the lower half of Mississippi is trying to start a boy band with the president of Russia?

“President Trump thanked President Putin for acknowledging America’s strong economic performance in his annual press conference,” according to a White House readout of the call, Business Insider reports.

Also, it doesn’t bother anyone in KillNegras, Mont., that this is all that the readout of the call, which happened Thursday, stated? The president of Arpaio, Ariz., has Russia on his friends-and-family cellphone plan and no one cares.

He isn’t even using his prime minutes to call the president of Russia, and no one in RoyMoore, Ala., gives a shit?

Then, on Friday, the president of OnePercent, Neb., went on an angry rant about both the Department of Justice and the FBI after news that an FBI agent who was part of Robert Mueller’s investigation called the president by his birth name an idiot.


“You have a lot of angry people,” Trump said of the FBI, Raw Story reports. “It’s a very sad thing to watch, I will tell you that. I am going today on behalf of the FBI, their new building, and when everybody—not me, everybody, the level of anger, and what they have been witnessing with respect to the FBI, it’s certainly very sad.”

And of course, the president of Moscow, La., took issue that anyone would think that he or his administration colluded with Russia despite a gift registry at Target under the names “Donald Trump and Russian Husband Vladdy.”

“There’s been no collusion; that has been proven,” the president falsely asserted, while Raw Story notes, “There has not been any definitive proof that Trump’s campaign did not collude with Russia yet.”


“The Senate and the House, my worst enemies, they walk out and say, ‘There is no collusion but we will continue to look.’ They are spending millions and millions of dollars and there’s absolutely no collusion,” the president also alleged.

Remember that the Department of Justice and the FBI are on our team: Team America. So the president of NASCAR, Neb., just shit all over the home team, only to praise his life partner.


“The call with Vladimir Putin, it was great,” Trump said. “He said very nice things about what I have done for the country in terms of the economy, and he said also some negative things in terms elsewhere, but the primary point was to talk about North Korea, because we would love to have his help on North Korea.”

And. Get. This. Shit.

Former national security adviser Michael Flynn, who recently pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI, may actually receive a pardon from TrumPutin.


“I don’t want to talk about pardons for Michael Flynn yet,” he said. “We will see what happens.”

Can someone from NoTeefus, Va., explain this president to me?

Read more at Business Insider and Raw Story.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.


PooJavelin Eats Herbs For Lunch!

Imagine if some gibbering simpleton tried to do that over emails or a birth cert?