Tim Scott, the Lone Black Republican Senator, Tasked With Coming Up With GOP's Police Reform Plan, and I’m Not Mad

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The only thing Kentucky Sen. Mitch McConnell (R) could tell me about is how he lives in the sewer with his three turtle friends from high school and why he listens to a rat. Other than that, Mitch McConnell and his saggy neck skin can take a long walk off a short pier into a sea of go fuck himself. The best thing that Mitch McConnell can do is just hand off assignments until he’s voted out in November.


So I’m not mad that the majority leader has assigned South Carolina’s U.S. Senator Tim Scott, the chamber’s only black Republican, to be put in charge of the GOP response to massive protests since the death of George Floyd while in police custody. House Democrats unveiled their police reform bill, called Justice in Policing Act, on Monday.

“I think the best way for Senate Republicans to go forward on this is to listen to one of our own, who’s had these experiences,” McConnell told reporters, Reuters reports.

And he’s right. In fact, I imagine that the meeting on police reform amongst the GOP went something like this:

Mitch McConnell: Who had a problem with the way the Minneapolis police handled George Floyd?

Tim Scott raises his hand.

M.M.: And does anyone think that police pull over black people just because they’re black?


Tim Scott sheepishly raises his hand.

M.M.: And who here believes that black people are treated poorly by police because of their race?


Tim Scott puts his hand inside his shirt and his hand being raised can be seen from inside his shirt.

And Scott, for all his flaws—of which there are many (he’s a pro-lifer who is against same-sex marriage)—has been at the forefront of the Republican Party on race, even if it’s only a one-person race. Shortly after the lynching of Floyd by Minneapolis police, it was Scott who tweeted: “Firing the officers that killed #GeorgeFloyd was the right first move. The second? Arrest them.” He also used the hashtag, “I can’t breathe,” which has become a rallying cry for those protesting. So if the GOP was going to task someone to come up with a strategic plan to look at police reform, I’d rather it be Scott than Turtleneck and the flatulent fuckheads he rolls with.


Is Scott being used by the GOP? Of course, he is. In fact, in announcing that Scott would be taking on the task, McRacistFace made it a point to note that Scott hasn’t just been fighting for racial equality, but, if you haven’t noticed, he’s a black man!

While Scott may be trash–and he’s absolutely trash (never forget that he wanted to impeach Obama and kick families off food stamps if one member of the family went on strike)—he’s had a problem evading his black skin, which has caused him to have run-ins with police even during his seven years in the U.S. Senate.


“I think it’s important for this nation to take a very powerful stand and position that says, ‘We’re listening, we’re hearing and we’re reacting,’” Scott told reporters, adding that he didn’t see “a binary choice” between supporting police and supporting communities of color, Reuters reports.

But never forget that the lone black face who has been trotted out from a sea full of whiteness is not a member of the Congressional Black Caucus and has praised Donald Trump’s handling of race issues. That said, he’s also worked with “Democratic Senators Kamala Harris and Cory Booker, on legislation to make lynching a federal hate crime, which has been included in a police reform bill introduced by Democrats and a draft of Scott’s plan,” Reuters reports. Scott and Booker have also worked to have legislation passed to overhaul the criminal justice system. And, Scott hasn’t always fallen in line with his party over some of “Trump’s nominees for federal judgeships, as when he announced in 2018 that he could not vote for Thomas Farr, who was accused of legal efforts that disenfranchised African Americans,” Reuters reports.


He publicly condemned the president for not taking a stronger stance during the white supremacist rally in Charlottesville, Va., in 2017.

Reuters notes that on Tuesday, Scott met with Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner (yeah, I have no idea why the fuck Jared Kushner is involved in any of this, but it’s 2020, so here we are) and noted that they were making progress. Again, why is Jared Kushner here?


Anyway, Scott believes that he can work across the aisle to overhaul policing of black communities—unless, of course, this involves same-sex marriages or abortions or fiscal irresponsibility by Democrats or Obama or striking while on food stamps; then Scott is not the nigga you want handling any of this.


Downton Flabby (the movie)

McConnell’s day so far:

-Figured out way to get people off of his ass about an issue he does not actually consider an “issue”
-Gives “issue” to token black man.
-Can now claim he tried to do something about “issue”
-Has established a scapegoat when resolution to “issue” never materializes.
-Goes back to transferring obscene amounts of money to already obscenely wealthy people.