This Should Be Good: Donald Trump Jr. to Testify in Front of Senate Panel

Donald Trump Jr. and Ivanka Trump in Washington, D.C., on Jan. 20, 2017  (Saul Loeb-Pool/Getty Images)
Donald Trump Jr. and Ivanka Trump in Washington, D.C., on Jan. 20, 2017 (Saul Loeb-Pool/Getty Images)

Donald Trump Jr. is not a fool, but he is an idiot; there is a difference. A fool will give all his money to a man who promises to bring him back gold. An idiot will give the man all of his money and drive him home with the promise of said gold to be mailed to him later in the week after the man cashes his check at the liquor store two bus rides away from town.


A fool can be made whole again. An idiot is hopeless. Which is why the news that Donald Trump Jr., aka Not-Ivanka, aka Lil Trouble in Big Russia, aka the Half-Wit of a Half-Wit, aka Young Dickon von Lucifer Eyes, is testifying in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee is exhilarating, even if that Senate testimony won’t be televised. It will, however, be transcribed.

According to CNN, Donald Greyjoy Jr. will have to provide answers about the Russian-attended meeting he had for which he was promised dirt on Hillary Clinton’s campaign.

Here’s how CNN reported the Super Bowl of testimony:

After weeks of discussions, Trump Jr. has agreed on a date to be interviewed by the panel in private, according to Taylor Foy, spokesman for committee Chairman Chuck Grassley. Trump Jr. will be interviewed by senior committee staff, and senators will be invited to attend, Foy said.

After the Senate judiciary committee invited him to attend a July hearing to testify in public, Trump Jr. instead cut a deal with the committee to avoid the open session. It’s unclear if he will eventually testify publicly.

Here’s why I’m excited either way: Fredo Corleone Jr. isn’t a politician. I imagine that he won’t be good under the pressure and is liable to just blurt out: “Fine, we did it all. OK! Papa had hookers piss on him and then I met with the Russian lady to get all the tea. All of it.”

I imagine Donnie sweating and losing his tie and then the top two buttons of his shirt before breaking and asking for a pack of Marlboro Lights and a cup of coffee and then spilling all he knows. While lying is part of the Trump brand, Trump Jr. isn’t as practiced as his father, so the hope is that Not-Ivanka cracks under the weight of the committee.


But who are we kidding? If the White House has agreed to let Donald Trump Jr. testify, it’s because White House officials have been working on a series of rehearsed responses they expect him to deliver.

The actual date when Trump is expected to give his testimony has not been revealed, but sources told CNN that it could be as early as next week.


Check back here, since I will be sure to give readers the play-by-play as soon as Asshat Jr. rolls over on his family.

Well, we can dream, can’t we?!

Read more at CNN.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.


Mortal Dictata

“I’m not saying anything.”

“That’s a shame, you know a cool guy would answer our questions fully.”

“Here’s several hundred emails I sent to some fancy Hotel called The Kremlin on behalf of father.”