There Are Really Only 2 Kinds of People: Those of Us Who Are Against Lynching and Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul

Illustration for article titled There Are Really Only 2 Kinds of People: Those of Us Who Are Against Lynching and Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul
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On the day of George Floyd’s memorial service, Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul just couldn’t pass up the moment to be an asshole. Paul, who has the hair of wet spaghetti noodles, wanted to add an amendment to the bipartisan anti-lynching legislation because he had nothing to do with writing it, and it’s hard for people like Rand Paul to watch legislation pass that they’ve had nothing to do with.


Did I mention that Rand Paul is an asshole?

Democratic Sens. Cory Booker of New Jersey and Kamala Harris of California both got emotional and came very close to yelling, “What the fuck is wrong with you, Rand Paul?” when speaking about Kentucky senator’s attempt to hold up legislation to make lynching a federal crime on a day when America was still grieving the loss of Floyd, whose life was taken while in Minneapolis police custody.

Paul came to the Senate floor in Washington to add an amendment to the anti-lynching legislation, arguing that the bill as written is overly broad and said that his amendment “would apply the criminal penalties for lynching only and not for other crimes,” CNN reports.

CNN did not note that Paul is a stone-cold bitch who saw an opportunity to grandstand and perform his routine of being a stone-cold bitch to make news. I added that part.

The GOP senator, who is also the starting tight end for Satan’s Warriors, Hell’s most beloved football team, then was willing to pass the bill but only after his amendment was added because lynching really needs to be explained so that we don’t get it confused with, um...lynching.

Seriously, what’s close to lynching? Like, what could be so close to lynching that Paul would need to add a caveat that says: “Hey, now we are trying to lump everything into this lynching law and I don’t know if I’m cool with that”?


“Senator Paul is now trying to weaken a bill that was already passed—there’s no reason for this, there’s no reason for this,” Harris said, CNN reports.

Booker, who was clearly emotional, said he considered Paul a friend and then added that he felt “so raw today,” saying, “of all days we’re doing this right now when God, if this bill passed today, what that would mean for America. That this body and that body have finally agreed.


“It would speak volumes for the racial pain and the hurt of generations,” Booker said. “I do not need my colleague, the senator from Kentucky, to tell me about one lynching in this country. I’ve stood in the museum in Montgomery, Ala., and watched African-American families weeping at the stories of pregnant women lynched in this country and their babies ripped out of them while this body did nothing,” CNN reports.

Pointing to Paul, Booker said he didn’t question his heart but he had serious concerns about this.


“My colleague over there, Rand Paul, is one of the first hands I shook” on the Senate floor, Booker said. “He is my friend...but I am so raw today.”

“I seek to amend this legislation not because I take lynching lightly, but because I take it seriously, and this legislation does not,” Paul said, arguing that “this bill would cheapen the meaning of lynching by defining it so broadly as to include a minor bruise or abrasion. Our nation’s history of racial terrorism demands more seriousness from us than that.”


Don’t be confused; this has nothing to do with the language in the bill. Paul is doing what Paul does because Paul is an asshole. It’s kind of the asshole way.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.



Sen. Corey Booker, WHY do you think Rand Paul is your friend?

Wtf kind of friends do you have that you think that Professional Asshole Rand Paul is your friend?

Get new friends Senator Booker.