Vice President Mike Pence speaks with members of the Spirit of Faith Christian Center Choir in the Rose Garden following National Day of Prayer event at the White House May 07, 2020 in Washington, DC. The White House invited faith leaders from across the country to participate in the event which was held during the novel coronavirus pandemic.
Vice President Mike Pence speaks with members of the Spirit of Faith Christian Center Choir in the Rose Garden following National Day of Prayer event at the White House May 07, 2020 in Washington, DC. The White House invited faith leaders from across the country to participate in the event which was held during the novel coronavirus pandemic.
Photo: Chip Somodevilla (Getty Images)

In the horror movie that has become the Trump administration, the president and Vice President Mike Pence are the jocks who believe there is nothing to be afraid of and walk into the haunted house to show everyone how crazy they’re being, never to be heard from again.

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The White House has literally become America’s newest coronavirus hotspot after one of President Trump’s personal valets and Katie Miller, the spokeswoman for Vice President Mike Pence, tested positive. Some senior officials told the New York Times that they believe that the disease is already all up in the White House.

“Three top officials leading the government’s coronavirus response have begun two weeks of self-quarantine,” the Times reports.

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“It is scary to go to work,” Kevin Hassett, a top economic adviser to the president, told CBS’s Face the Nation program Sunday. “I think that I’d be a lot safer if I was sitting at home than I would be going to the West Wing.”

He added: “It’s a small, crowded place. It’s, you know, it’s a little bit risky. But you have to do it because you have to serve your country,” the Times reports.

Two infected employees have increased the White House’s response to the virus, including asking more staff members to work from home and increasing screening throughout the grounds. The funny part is that they weren’t doing this before mostly because they are dumb AF.

How dumb are they, you ask?

Pence made an appearance with food industry executives in West Des Moines, Iowa, and all five people sat their maskless asses together, willfully ignoring the federal health advice, which clearly states not to do this, the Intercept reports.

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What’s even worse is while the White House is playing Russian roulette—which is also the name of Trump’s and Russian president Vladimir Putin’s late-night phone boning sessions—with the coronavirus, testing has been ramped up on the grounds. All employees are being tested weekly and aides who interact with the president are being tested daily. Meanwhile, restaurants, offices and retail stores, which are being encouraged to reopen despite signs that coronavirus is still running rampant, don’t have the ability to test employees or track down and quarantine those who’ve been infected, the Times reports.

“To get in with the president, you have to test negative,” Hassett said on CNN’s State of the Union program, which explains why Trump is hard-pressed to reopen the country. Everyone around him must be tested, so he knows he’s good. Why would he give a shit about anyone else?

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If only there were a center, some kind of place with professional scientists who work with diseases and prevention that could lend a voice to the president during this trying time. That place that I’m dreaming of is called the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and the president continues to reject all their advice. Two senior officials told the Times that they don’t even have plans to keep the president and vice president apart “because of a concern that they both could be incapacitated by Covid-19.”

There is no report as to whether the disease can spread anally, but Katie Miller is married to Stephen Miller, one of Trump’s closest advisers, who has spent the majority of Trump’s presidency up the president’s ass. Both Millers won’t be in the White House for some time, people familiar with the White House’s plans told the Times.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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