The Walter Reed Coronavirus Parade: Trump’s Lying and Recklessness Has Turned Us All Into Conspiracy Theorists

Illustration for article titled The Walter Reed Coronavirus Parade: Trump’s Lying and Recklessness Has Turned Us All Into Conspiracy Theorists
Photo: Anthony Peltier (AP)

President Trump is a liar.

Everyone in his administration aids in his lying.

Because of this, America has no idea when the president of people who found his coronavirus diagnosis to be a sad moment was actually diagnosed, nor do we have any idea whether the president even has COVID-19. We don’t know if he’s actually sick or if anything that has happened since his reported diagnosis is even remotely believable.


The biggest problem with liars, especially those who lie about everything, is that everyone else has a hard time figuring out when the liar is telling the truth.

Because the president lies so much, he’s turned reasonable-thinking people like myself into a full-on conspiracy theorist.

Let’s breakdown all of the fuckery that occurred since the president’s diagnosis:

First, Trump found out that he was COVID-19 positive on Friday, or so he claims, but I’m starting to think that was bullshit and I’m not the only one. According to the Wall Street Journal, Trump knew that he had tested positive for the coronavirus on a rapid test when he did an interview with Fox News talking head (and one of Trump’s favorite prostitutes) Sean Hannity, on Thursday evening. Trump didn’t disclose his positive results of the rapid test during the interview and only noted that trusted aide Hope Hicks had tested positive. He claimed that he wouldn’t know the results of his second, more thorough COVID test until later that evening. The Journal claims that Trump already knew that he was positive from the rapid test and the results he revealed early Friday morning on Twitter were the results of the second test he’d taken.

Trump may or may not have known that he was positive when he hosted a big-dollar fundraiser at his New Jersey golf club Thursday night, but he did know that he had been exposed to the virus as Hicks had tested positive CNN notes. Three attendees told CNN that many attending the indoor event weren’t wearing masks and that high-dollar donors even participated in a roundtable discussion with President Patient Zero.

Then on Friday, when the president was taken to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center, there were conflicting reports from the White House as to what was actually happening. Many television pundits wondered why the president was being flown to the hospital as opposed to making the less than 20-minute drive. Many wondered if the president was, in fact, sick, considering how he became ill so fast after testing positive. It also didn’t help matters that White House doctor Sean Conley briefed the press Saturday and made several conflicting statements that he later walked back and refused to say whether or not the president had received oxygen claiming that he wanted to “...reflect the upbeat attitude of the team.”


Conley added: “I didn’t want to give any information that might steer the course of illness in another direction, and in doing so it came off that we were trying to hide something.”

It wasn’t until Sunday that we learned that the president “had a fever and an oxygen saturation level below 94 percent on Friday morning,” which is what prompted the trip to Walter Reed.


But we do know that the president was definitely at Walter Reed, but how do we know this for sure? Well, I guess the president got bored because he kept dropping TikTok videos from his hospital room. Seriously, the president was giving Claudia Conway (Skellyanne Conway’s daughter) a run for her money dropping videos of him doing the Savage challenge in his unbuttoned shirt. Can we talk about the unbuttoned shirt? If there was a photo I want scrubbed from my brain, it would be the president of people who piss in bottles during long drives in their 18-wheeler with the top button of his shirt undone. We didn’t need to see that. We aren’t a better America because of it. There was a video of the president claiming that he was fine. Then there were photos of him singing what appeared to be a blank piece of paper like a third-grader practicing their signature for when they get older and have to sign things.

Illustration for article titled The Walter Reed Coronavirus Parade: Trump’s Lying and Recklessness Has Turned Us All Into Conspiracy Theorists
Photo: Joyce N. Boghosian (Getty Images)

But the finale, the piece de resistance to this whole coronavirus circus was the president getting dressed on Sunday and having a fucking motorcade, including members of his Secret Service detail, who were forced to be in close quarters with his outbreak-monkey-ass, while he took a drive outside the hospital to wave at the unteethed who were gathered to show their support for the undead. He literally went on a coronavirus victory lap in front of the hospital.

“That should never have happened,” one current Secret Service agent, who works on the presidential and first family detail, told CNN after Trump’s driveby. The unnamed agent added that those forced to be in a car with the president now have to be quarantined.


“I mean, I wouldn’t want to be around them,” the agent said. “The frustration with how we’re treated when it comes to decisions on this illness goes back before this though. We’re not disposable.”

It also speaks to the compromised position that the agents are in guarding one of the dumbest presidents to ever place his Diet Cokes on the Resolute desk without a coaster.


But this is what happens when 53 percent of white women vote against their own self-interest and vote for Trump. Trump is the byproduct of “I don’t care about voting because they are all the same” apathy. And now we have this Weekend at Bernie’s ass president being wheeled around to try and look human when we all know exactly who he is.

Doctors have suggested that Trump may be released as early as Monday; he’s totally going to be released as he’s been up tweeting early this morning and despite not knowing what parts of his COVID-19 positive diagnosis is true, I do know that he’s tweeting because there are several misspellings, random exclamation points and everything is written in all caps.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.


According to reports this selfish fat fucking loser wanted to go home and so the doctors let him drive around the fucking hospital to wave to his demented cult as a compromise. A COMPROMISE???!!!! I keep saying that this a grown man and then I realize that is the fucking problem, this asshole has never been told no in his life. NEVER!! Not his parents, all the women he’s raped and groped, banks who foolishly gave him money until he didn’t pay them back. Never. He endangered the lives of Secret Service in a sealed car for a photo op. The rest of the world is laughing at us.