The Senile Old Man in the White House Is Going to All-Cap Tweet Us Into a War With Iran

Illustration for article titled The Senile Old Man in the White House Is Going to All-Cap Tweet Us Into a War With Iran
Photo: Chip Somodevilla (Getty Images)

If these boisterous threats are true, this might be the first time in American history that the President of the United States has tweeted us into a war. Late Sunday evening the fake president and very real reality star decided to issue a furious all-caps tweet to Iran.


First off, what the fuck was the president doing up at 11:24 p.m.? Secondly, why wasn’t his phone locked away in the Oval Office safe? Thirdly, was this late night tweet done in his presidential underwear? Fourthly, are presidential underwear a thing?

Of course, this tweet came after this vacationing-ass president returned to the White House from a weekend of golfing because really that’s all he does. His main job is Twitter trolling and golfing and then he presidents when he has nothing else to do.

According to CNN, Trump’s comments were a response to Iran’s President Hassan Rouhani who warned the U.S. not to play with the lion’s tail or they’d be in the “mother of all wars.”

Americans “must understand that war with Iran is the mother of all wars and peace with Iran is the mother of all peace,” Rouhani said while addressing diplomats Sunday in Tehran.

Rouhani also had a message for Trump: “Do not play with the lion’s tail, because you will regret it eternally.”


Look, if this were a rap beef these lyrics form Rouhani wouldn’t even have registered. He was merely flexing. I guess Trump wants to appear tough, but all-caps screams, passive-aggressive punk shit ain’t it. Iran isn’t worried and reportedly called Trump’s remarks “psychological warfare,” the semi-official ISNA news agency reported, according to CNN.

I have no idea why the president can’t keep his beefs offline. Maybe it’s because he only understands drama considering he’s actually a reality star masquerading as a billionaire, who’s also masquerading as a president.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.


Rooo sez BISH PLZ

A bunch of us reported #TRE45ON’s Tweetsteria as a violation of Twitter TOS.

An NBC reporter shared that he was pleased with that tactic when I gave him that news.

Given Jack’s continued resistance to booting the white nationalist bots off Twitter, I think we should all do that.