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The Real Reason for the Plexiglass and Other Things to Watch for in Wednesday’s Vice Presidential Debate

Illustration for article titled The Real Reason for the Plexiglass and Other Things to Watch for in Wednesday’s Vice Presidential Debate
Photo: Sara D. Davis (Getty Images)

Turns out that the social distancing and plexiglass requirements during Wednesday’s presidential debate had nothing to do with the coronavirus pandemic, as Vice President Mike Pence (the man who doesn’t dine with women alone) needs these protections if he’s going to be on stage with a woman alone.

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This may have something to do with his wife being a Karen. I don’t have any proof that his wife has ever actually done any Karen-like shit but her actual birth name is Karen and she’s married to robot-pants Pence, which means it’s only a matter of time before she’s on the phone with police.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is who the pride of all HBCUs, the woman so real she rocked Burlington Timbs without a care in the world, the woman who named Tupac as the “best rapper alive (who is going to tell her? I’m not; it will be devastating) is going to have to battle in the upcoming debate, and who are we kidding? This is the battle that ‘Merica really wants to see; the staunch values of a Christian conservative, Tea Party supporter versus Howard grad, Black baptist, whose name means “lotus” and the one who is going to beat the shit out of Mike Pence.

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This feels a lot like a Roy Jones vs. Mike Tyson exhibition, which didn’t sound like a good idea on paper much less an actual fight. This isn’t even going to be close. I’m predicting a landslide win for Harris and a chance to give the Biden-Harris ticket a boost in the polls. This is an opportunity for Harris to show why choosing her was a smart move, and seriously, I wish Biden would’ve just sat down and let Harris take it from here but that would be impossible at this point as Biden has asked to be called “Butter Biden” because he believes he’s on a roll. Watch out or you might get hit by a bullet from one of Biden’s finger guns.

This is Harris’ debate to lose. Firstly, she’s done this before and crushed. Do we not remember how Harris handled Biden in the Democratic presidential nominee debates? Do I have to remind you about how she called out his ass for working with segregationists in Congress and how proud he was about it? And how she went at his ass for being against busing Black kids to better schools? Yeah, Harris was built for this.

I don’t know if the White House has the correct programming to get Pence’s motherboard ready for the level of onslaught he’s going to have to answer for but know this: Pence is no Trump. He’s not skilled in the level of fuckery or at least not Trump’s level of fuckery. He’s going to have to answer for Trump’s bungling of the coronavirus pandemic. Pence is going to have to answer for the images of migrant children in cages. Pence is going to have to explain Trump’s racism and inability to denounce white supremacy. Doesn’t matter if Pence said it or not, he’s complicit and he’s not as skilled as Trump in the art of “Fuck what y’all are talking about, what about antifa?!” style of debate.

Let’s face it: Harris has more ammo and she should. Imaging Pence trying to debate the coronavirus response by this administration while the White House has become an epicenter of COVID-19. The White House has become a coronavirus bathhouse. While Harris will be shaking the table, Robot Pence will be trying to “ease jittery Republican voters reeling from a week of disastrous news for the GOP ticket.”

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See, the goals aren’t even the same. Harris is going to be at the debate looking for blood, while Pence will be bandaging up his self-inflicted wounds. The fight isn’t fair and that’s how it should be. Part of me wants to believe that this won’t even be worth watching because it’s going to be brutal, to paraphrase philosopher and Cobra Kai master John Kreese (although it didn’t work): sweep the knee, Kamala. Sweep the knee.

The only vice presidential debate of the election season is 9 to 10:30 p.m. Wednesday and is taking place at University of Utah, Salt Lake City.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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DISCUSSION

dammitspaz
fair_n_hite_451

1. The expression is “sweep the leg”, not sweep the knee.

2. Harris shouldn’t be going after Pence for Trump’s fuckery. He’s got his own to answer for. Pence was the head of the Covid response team, it’s his ass on the line. If he begs off, then the line of attack becomes “you let Jared, a man with no experience in supply chain management OR government OR politics of any kind” make decisions that killed Americans? Why should America ever trust you again you worthless turd of an imbicile?’

(Ok, she shouldn’t actually SAY that last line ... but it’s going to be implied a bunch of times)