The President Can’t Be Bothered With a Possible Pandemic While He’s Busy Bragging About His Accomplishments

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President Trump is nothing if not consistent. From the time that he was born up until Russia stole the 2016 election and handed it to their favorite spy, the president has been consumed with himself. Literally, his tweets, his speeches, his appearances, his entire life has been a set of thumbs pointing back at this guy. So why would he let something like a possible pandemic and the confirmation of the second U.S. death from coronavirus stop him from touting his awesome?


On Sunday night, just hours after “Seattle and King County public health officials announced that a Seattle-area man in his 70s with underlying health conditions died Saturday of covid-19” the president was on Twitter retweeting videos of his triumphs, taking shots at his opponents and “smiled as Mount Rushmore was reshaped to feature only his face.”

According to the Washington Post, Trump didn’t have time to be bothered with trying to gain control over a virus that’s causing a global crisis; he had important shit to do like retweeting videos he’s already retweeted!

Instead of addressing the second fatality caused by the coronavirus—especially after he totally fucked up the gender of the first person to die from the virus—Trump was busy retweeting a two-minute video that trolls his critics as the coronavirus has claimed some 3,000 lives worldwide. Oh, and get this: The video, which was created by some right wing group that totally loves Trump, had already been retweeted by the president but it’s like Beyoncé’s husband says, and I’m paraphrasing here, “What’s better than one self-aggrandizing masturbatory video? Two!”

From the Post:

The bright staccato sound of “The Rubberband Man” by the Spinners starts the video with the president walking out from the dark skies of 2016, with vultures picking away at the O logo of former president Barack Obama. Trump saunters past the statue of fictional boxer Rocky Balboa as fighter jets fly overhead and fireworks explode over the New York City skyline. Another statue, “Fearless Girl,” goes from confident to panicked as she sees the state of the economy under Trump and a lewd graphic of the “Charging Bull” Wall Street statue with its genitalia swinging in the background.

The next frame shows Trump, wielding a magic wand, laughing as he walks by Obama and Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.), who is wearing a sign that reads, “The End is Near.” With the wand, he seemingly makes disappear a graphic that reads “socialism” and bombs the Islamic State. Smoke clouds appear in the background as his vow as a candidate to “bomb the shit out of ‘em,” referring to the Islamic State,” is played in its unedited form.

After strutting past his political opponents in the “Swamp” and “Deep State” and critics from the “Enemy of the People” a section that has CNN and MSNBC anchors dressed up as Pinocchio and outlets such as The Post and the New York Times looking like zombies — Trump comes to a sign that reads, “Welcome Back to America.” This version of the United States has Fox News anchor Sean Hannity driving a black Hummer and pro-Trump social media personalities “Diamond and Silk” smiling in front of a motorcycle.

With his border-wall project in the background, Trump marches toward the White House, where he is met by his supporters, more fireworks and, for reasons that are unclear, a photoshopped billboard from the movie “300” that reads, “This is MAGA!!”

That’s when Mount Rushmore gets a makeover. Former presidents George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln are knocked down and replaced by four faces of an intensely irritated Trump.

The video ends with a bald eagle made of steel flexing its muscles in the middle of text that reads, “Keep Calm and MAGA,” and a clip of Trump saying, “Goodbye, Hillary! Bye!”


Trump continues to push that the administration has a handle on the coronavirus. In fact, Vice President Mike Pence, whom many believe to be a sexless robot made of spare Christian body parts, told CNN on Sunday that the administration has a handle on the crisis, adding that the threat to Americans remains low. Pence then turned to walk off stage and bent over at the waist as smoke wafted out of his ears and back. His arm kept swaying back and forth but his body was clearly malfunctioning and he just kept repeating “no collusion, sex infusion” as his handler Stephen Miller rushed him off set.


The Dark One 508

fingers crossed a ton of his supporters lose family to this virus, and they’re unhinged enough to kill him and pence.