Attorney General William Barr participates in a press conference at the Department of Justice on February 10, 2020 in Washington, D.C.
Attorney General William Barr participates in a press conference at the Department of Justice on February 10, 2020 in Washington, D.C.
Photo: Sarah Silbiger (Getty Images)

I believe in hookers.

I also believe in Jesus.

I believe that both of them are doing the Lord’s work.

However, I don’t believe that the Department of Justice should be giving either of them money.

Advertisement

The DOJ, however, doesn’t give a shit about what I believe.

A whistleblower (no, this isn’t a hooker joke) ratted on the DOJ after the federal department run by William Barr, aka evil John Goodman, reportedly dropped “over $1 million in anti-human trafficking grants to two groups, Hookers for Jesus and the Lincoln Tubman Foundation, rather than highly recommended, established groups,” Newsweek reports.

Advertisement

From Newsweek:

A September 12 internal DOJ memo recommended that the grant money go to the Catholic Charities of the Diocese of Palm Beach and Chicanos Por La Causa of Phoenix, according to an exclusive report by Reuters. The recommendations were based on reviews from outside contractors. Instead, the grant money went to two organizations the contractors gave lower ratings: Hookers for Jesus and the Lincoln Tubman Foundation.

The funding decision was made in order to “distribute funding across as many states as possible,” according to a September 23 memo obtained by Reuters. Head of the Office of Justice Programs, Katharine Sullivan, approved the decision, telling Reuters, “Our funding decisions are based on a merit-based review system.”

Advertisement

Turns out that Hookers for Jesus isn’t a group of Russian prostitutes waiting to urinate all over their lord and savior President Blend Your Face Into Your Neck’s bed, but it’s an actual Christian group founded by former sex worker and sex-trafficking victim Annie Lobert in 2007.

“The organization operates Destiny House, a one-year safehouse program for sex-trafficking victims and women who want to leave sex work, as well as a number of other outreach programs,” Newsweek reports.

Advertisement

The anti-sex trafficking organization was given some $530,190 over a three-year span, which is odd because the name of the organization is horrible and it bans really weird shit, including secular magazines that might include makeup tips or advice on clothing or sex. Oh, and the group reportedly makes all of the attendees go to religious services, although Lobert claims that the residents don’t have to go to services but they can’t read any of those crazy magazines that push the Devil’s work, like Cosmo!

Everyone is welcomed at Hookers for Jesus except homosexuals, who the group reportedly finds immoral. So basically, magazines with makeup tutorials and homosexuals are banned from Hookers for Jesus. Got it.

Advertisement

Not only is the program poorly named and completely off its goddamn rocker, Newsweek notes that the group’s policies could “violate federal anti-discrimination laws.”

“This might be something that may be appropriate for our civil rights department to look at. Those are not facts or things that we would know ahead of time,” Katharine Sullivan, head of the Office of Justice Programs (OJP), which awards the grants, told Reuters. The DOJ did not have access to the group’s manuals but who doesn’t like anything with Hookers in the title, amirite?

Advertisement

Outside groups gave both Hookers for Jesus and the Lincoln Tubman Foundation—which was founded in 2018 by Brooke Burris, has damn near no experience in dealing with these matters and is headquartered in Burris’ parents’ mansion—low marks, but when has the DOJ or the Trump administration ever let process get in the way of handing out money to people that don’t deserve it?

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter