Earlier this week I went on a lengthy spiel about how ridiculously overrated loyalty in sports is. It’s been proven time and time again that no amount of blood, sweat, and tears poured into a professional franchise will deter the powers that be from getting rid of your ass once they no longer view you as a desirable asset.
It’s a cold game, so you better grab your beanie and pack a sweater. Get your money and play them before you get Bill Belichicked, bruh.
So perhaps inspired by my impassioned sermon, or just fed up with the litany of ways in which the Houston Texans have mistreated and disrespected him as their franchise cornerstone, quarterback Deshaun Watson has filed for divorce from the team, citing irreconcilable differences, NFL insider Adam Schefter reports.
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In the immediate aftermath of this trade demand, the NFL community has been tripping all over itself with behind-the-scenes gossip and hypothetical trade proposals. But I’m here to tell you not to waste your time reading any of that shit because we all know where a quarterback of his caliber belongs and that’s with the Denver Broncos.
Now, before you take a cursory glance at the standings, turn your nose up at Denver’s paltry 5-11 record this season, and immediately dismiss my recommendation as lunacy, just know deep in your heart that I could personally give less than a shit about your raggedy-ass opinion. Unlike you, I’ve spent the last five seasons watching my beloved Broncos languish in sports purgatory: terrible enough not to make the playoffs, but winning just enough games not to capitalize off of our failures through the draft.
I hate it here.
And as anyone who’s watched five minutes of NFL football is acutely aware, the most important player on the field is your quarterback. So when Peyton Manning bid us farewell and left us with a Super Bowl victory as a parting gift, only to be replaced by the likes of Trevor Siemian, Payton Lynch, and Case fucking Keenum, you can understand why I haven’t had a good night’s sleep since February 7, 2016.
My plea for Deshaun to save us from ourselves isn’t rooted solely in rabid fandom. I genuinely believe Denver gives him one of the best chances to compete for a Super Bowl championship. Aside from playing behind a stout offensive line that continued to improve throughout the season, have you not seen the treasure trove of weapons he’ll have at his disposal?
Pro Bowler Courtland Sutton is a superstar in the making, Jerry Jeudy isn’t far behind, and K.J. Hamler and Tim Patrick round out an impressive arsenal of young receivers. Add freak of nature Albert Okwuegbunam and Noah Fant—already one of the best at his position—at tight end, and what team can say they have a better collection of young talent to throw the ball to? I didn’t even mention that the Broncos have Melvin Gordon and Phillip Lindsay to pound the rock and on the other side of the ball, our defense is no joke either.
Deshaun, stop playing and bring your ass on! You trying to win a Super Bowl or nah?
Rumors have circulated for weeks that his desired destination is the New York Jets, but ain’t nobody trying to hear that shit. Rock this navy and orange and let’s make history, homie.
I said what I said.