Oh, there was football this weekend? Let’s talk about it.
Since taking over as the Kansas City Chiefs’ franchise quarterback, the Patrick Mahomes era has been defined by pure dominance. And while it’s a bit premature to slam the panic button and scream that the sky is falling, the reigning AFC champs’ 1-2 record is a bit concerning for myriad reasons.
For one, the defense is about as reliable as a Drake album. Sure, it has its bright spots, but overall you know good and damn well you’re gonna have to stomach some bullshit to get to the best parts. A perfect example of this is the Chiefs’ trash-ass red zone defense.
Aside from the fact that this team has coughed up 25 points or more for the *counts on fingers* fourth straight week, on Sunday, their defense had a golden opportunity to seal the victory by shutting down the Los Angeles Chargers (that still feels weird to say) in the fourth quarter. So with a little over two minutes left in the game, did they stop the Chargers from scoring a touchdown that would’ve given them the lead? Yes. But after knocking in a field goal to tie the game, the Chargers turned right back around—thanks in part to a pass interference call on DeAndre Baker—and did this:
“We’re fortunate we have a gangsta quarterback,” Chargers head coach Brandon Staley told reporters after the game.
If only the Chiefs could say the same about their defense.
Another Antarctica-sized problem for Kansas City is turnovers. On Sunday, they had four of them (six total so far this season) and are 27th in the league in turnover differential. Sunday’s game against the Chargers was a particularly putrid display of how not to protect the ball with Tyreek Hill and Clyde Edwards-Helaire each fumbling the ball and Mahomes passing around interceptions like they were COVID-19.
“You can’t overcome four turnovers,” Chiefs assistant Dave Toub said. “I thought that was the story of the game.”
The Chiefs also have a bit of a “Who in the hell is our third receiver?” problem as well. With Sammy Watkins off somewhere exchanging friendship bracelets with Lamar Jackson, whose job is it to step up when Tyreek Hill and Travis Kelce can’t get it done? Sure, Mecole Hardman had his moments, but the rest of the Chiefs receiving corps leave much to be desired. Byron Pringle ain’t getting it done, Demarcus Robinson is ass, and Marcus Kemp was kind enough to do this on Sunday:
Again, the sky isn’t falling yet, but another Chiefs loss will be genuine cause for alarm.
Be careful what you wish for.
With Andy Dalton out with a knee injury, it’s officially Justin Fields o’clock in Chicago. Slight problem: He wasn’t particularly good in his first career NFL start against the Cleveland Browns.
For one, he was sacked nine times—yes, you read that correctly—4.5 of which came from some domestic terrorist by the name of Myles Garrett. There was also the fact that the Bears coaching staff did Fields absolutely zero favors by deploying a game plan that focused on passing from the pocket instead of capitalizing off of the rookie’s strengths—like, oh, I don’t know...mobility?
The end result was the 22-year-old finishing the game with a brutal 41.3 quarterback rating, him having more sacks than completions (he went 6-20), and Chicago having the dubious distinction of being held to a single net yard passing, the 2nd-fewest by any team this century.
I forgot to mention that the Bears gained a grand total of 47 yards. Cleveland compiled 418.
“You almost can’t make it up, it was that bad,” Bears coach Matt Nagy said of his trash-ass offense. “We’ve got to get to the bottom of it.”
But this is what y’all asked for, right?
Fields deserves better and hopefully Nagy learns from this all-time fuck up and puts his rookie quarterback in a position to succeed moving forward.
I said what I said.
- If DeSean Jackson can stay healthy—and that’s a gargantuan, planetary-sized “if”—expect to see a lot of this this season:
For those wondering, he finished the game with one touchdown and 120 receiving yards. Oh, and fuck Tom Brady!
- If you needed further evidence that Justin Tucker is God in the flesh, look no further (no pun intended) than this NFL record 66-yard field goal:
- And I did mention that Myles Garrett got 4.5 sacks, right?
Catch y’all next week and sending well wishes to Chiefs coach Andy Reid, who left Sunday’s game in an ambulance due to an undisclosed illness.