white tears
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The Oppression of White America
White people are oppressed. Stop laughing. It’s true. In recent years, a narrative has formed and spread among the masses that asserts that white people in America are being subjected to reverse racism, ridicule, public scorn and discrimination. Before attempting to examine (and ultimately dismantle) this preposterous hypothesis, we should acknowledge all the ways in…
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The Root’s Clapback Mailbag: The Longest Clapback Ever
Pssst! Deputy Managing Editor Yesha Callahan is off today flying to the BET Awards, so I get to break all the usual protocol! If it were not for this necessary explanation, I wouldn’t even write this lede. But today’s mailbag will focus on one specific topic, namely the opinion piece titled, “White people Are Cowards.”…
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I Love This Song: George Zimmerman Tells Court He’s a Broke-Ass Bitch Who’s $2.5 Million in Debt With No Income
George Zimmerman, who killed 17-year-old Trayvon Martin in 2012, has revealed that he is $2.5 million in debt, with no income on top of that. Cue the world’s smallest violin. According to the Orlando Sentinel, the details surrounding Zimmerman’s finances, or lack thereof, were filed in a Seminole County court in support of a request…
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Can You Blame Him?
A black attorney in Arizona had a package mistakenly delivered to his home by UPS last week. Although the package is addressed to someone who lives just on the next block, he is waiting for UPS to come get the package and take it to the right house instead of taking it to his neighbor…
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President Declares State of Emergency After White Tears Flood Correspondents’ Dinner
I’ve seen a lot of white things in my life. I once watched a man tongue-kiss his dog as if it were prom night. Just the other day, I witnessed a recipe for green macaroni and cheese. Once, while standing in line to buy a gift at Macy’s, I’m pretty sure I listened to an…
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Suckabee Goes Down in Flames as a Proxy for Donald Trump at White House Correspondents’ Dinner; Snowflakes Liquefy
I didn’t know who comedian Michelle Wolf was before, but I know her now. And I think I love her. At Saturday night’s annual White House Correspondents’ Association dinner, Wolf flamed the Trump administration and its flunkies (since Donald Trump is too much of a punk to take the jabs himself), and conservatives the world…
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Cry Me a River of White Tears, White South African Colonizers
Recently, Lauren Southern, Tomi Lahren’s Canadian sister in the white supremacist struggle, highlighted the perilous plight of white South Africans, who—gasp—are being discriminated against … this, in the very country known throughout the world for its racial tolerance! In a seven-minute documentary, this tone-deaf “alt-right” propagandist ruminates on the travails of white South Africans who…
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Judge of Characters: Colonizers Are Having a Hard Time Stomaching Black Panther’s Success
It’s official: Black Panther is a blockbuster hit, and our feelings will never be done with this film. This movie has emotionally affected us all. While there are many melanated people who are swathed in pride because of Black Panther’s representation and all-out beauty, there are just as many (if not more) melanin-deficient folks who…
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The 10 Blackest Things About This Kid’s Journal Entry Roasting His Teacher for Lying About Christopher Columbus
1. The matter-of-fact way he states, “Today was not a good learning day.” Which, in this context, is the equivalent of starting a sentence with, “But I just think it’s kinda funny that … ” 2. “I only wanted to hear you not talking” is probably the best burn I’ve heard since Morgan Freeman’s character…