white tears
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Texas Farm Bureau and Mississippi Dept. of Public Safety Ban Employees From Wearing Nikes
In a devastating blow to the apparel giant’s bottom line, two organizations comprised of people who never wore Nikes anyway, announced a ban on employees wearing Nikes because they love the flag, the troops, the national anthem and everything America has to offer except for the First Amendment of the Constitution. Well actually, they love…
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For Devon Windsor, Kim Kardashian and White Girls Who Have Considered Highlights When Big Butts Are Enuf
Now see, you should have just sat there and ate your food… IMG model Devon Windsor, who I’m sure is a nice enough, if woefully naive girl, found out the hard way that sometimes—OK, most times—it’s best to just listen when people are talking about a struggle you can’t relate to, rather than unnecessarily insert…
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'If a White Person Said That': The False Equivalency of Reverse Racism
I was abused as a child. It only happened once, but I remember it like it was yesterday. I was asleep when she attacked me, but I knew it felt wrong. It was disgusting and left me humiliated, ashamed and—worst of all—moist. That was the day my youngest sister smushed a watermelon rind in my…
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White Fox News Guest: 'There's Nothing Worse Than Being Called A Racist'
In the latest edition of ‘Dumb Takes on Racism by a Fox News Guest,’ New York State Assemblyman Kieran Michael Lalor said there’s nothing worse than being called a racist when discussing NFL players’ protests during the National Anthem. Interviewing Lalor during the July 27 edition of Fox News’ Fox & Friends was Jillian Mele,…
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Woman Who Called Police on 2 Black Yale Students Says She's 'Done Absolutely Nothing Wrong' in Whitest Tweets Ever
Marking a record-breaking technological accomplishment, the white woman who called the police on a black woman sleeping in a common room in a Yale dormitory became the first person ever to tweet white tears when she took to Twitter on Wednesday to lament the fact that she has become a victim of her own Beckydom.…
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‘White People,’ Explained
Not all white people. I think I should issue that caveat at the beginning. Because I was partially homeschooled, I probably missed the day in first-grade language arts when they instruct people that, whenever the word “white” is used as an adjective to describe the word “people,” the reader should automatically assume the word “all”…
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Denver Snowflakes Melt After Former Congressional Candidate Tweets She Has Given Up on White People
After challenging the Colorado political machine, white feminists, white liberals and the entire Democratic Party, a Colorado woman is causing an avalanche of white tears after she responded to a rhetorical question about giving up on white people by answering: “Yes.” Before we begin, I must acknowledge that Saira Rao and I are best friends.…
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Sarah Huckabee Sanders Continues Her White-Tears Tour Despite Being Satan's Mouthpiece
White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, aka Suckabee, is still drinking the White House Kool-Aid—the special blend of indignant righteous and aloof ramblings that allows for unfathomable levels of heartlessness. On Tuesday, Suckabee had the audacity to claim that she would be a hypocrite if she didn’t treat everybody with respect since that’s the…
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Rich White People Shunning Other Rich White People For Supporting Donald Trump Is Hilarious
Alan Dershowitz is a white, Jewish defense attorney who is famous for having served on the OJ Simpson “Dream Team.” Seeing as we all know how white people feel about OJ being acquitted for the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman, you would think that particular part of his personal history would be…
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From White Privilege to White Tears: #PermitPatty Sobs That She Really Didn’t Mean for Police to Come
The same white woman who used her white-woman privilege first to bully an 8-year-old black girl who was selling water and then to call the police on said little black girl for being noncompliant is now pouring out her white-woman tears in the aftermath of the incident and wants everyone to feel sorry for her.…