white tears
-
Who Causes More White Tears: Cam Newton Or Serena Williams?
As mentioned here numerous times before, Serena Williams’s entire career has been a prolonged troll for White Tears. From the moment the Williams sisters emerged from Compton and disrupted the tennis world’s effete and bourgeois establishment, White Tears have trailed her the way breadcrumbs trailed Hansel and Gretel. They’re shed when she wins, when she receives awards, when…
-
John Boyega's Response To White Tears Is The Blackest Thing I've Ever Heard This Week
Earlier this week, while discussing Star Wars: The Force Awakens with my dad, I halfheartedly mentioned that I never was a huge fan of the Star Wars series. I didn’t dislike them or anything. But I just never went gaga over them either. He paused, took off his glasses, and gave me a look that could…
-
How Abigail Fisher Is All The Worst Parts Of Ron Weasley From Harry Potter
I am pretty big Harry Potter fan. Not quite on the “Pottermore comments section” level, but I own books three through seven in hardback. When book seven ultimately dropped, I went back and reread the whole series from the beginning. I’ve watched every movie. And I was even an apologist for the first two, which…
-
How Many Buckets Of White Tears Were Used To Write That Letter From The Tennessee Mom To Cam Newton?
To fully grasp the depths of the ridiculousness of that ridiculous Tennessee mother’s ridiculous open letter to Cam Newton, you should be aware that this act was ridiculous in both a micro and a macro sense. It’s ridiculousness was Darth. Pervasive. Amorphous. A ridiculous soufflé stuffed in a ridiculous turducken. Levels on levels on levels of…
-
How The University Of Missouri Is Drowning In White Tears, Explained
Can you explain what “White Tears” are again? Sure. “White Tears” is phrase to describe what happens when certain types of White people either complain about a nonexistent racial injustice or are upset by a non-White person’s success at the expense of a White person. It encompasses (and makes fun of) the performative struggle to…
-
White Tears, Explained, For White People Who Don't Get It
Yesterday, I wrote a short piece celebrating Serena Williams’s 2514th consecutive victory over Maria Sharapova; a win that took her to the Wimbledon final. Titled “Serena Williams Drinks, Bathes In, And Makes Lemonade With White Tears“, it acknowledged and made light of how Williams’s success grinds the gears of certain types of people upset that she…
-
Serena Williams Drinks, Bathes In, And Makes Lemonade With White Tears
Serena Williams just beat Maria Sharapova. Again. Because that’s what she does. Chew bubble gum, beat Maria Sharapova, and win majors. And I have no doubt that, as long as she doesn’t become too distracted by the emojis Drake is texting her right now, she will beat Garbine Muguruza in the Wimbledon final. There is a particular…