white people
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Judge of Characters: Wypipo Want Everything We Have, Even Our Oppression
Why are we still talking about who can and cannot say the n-word? White people, please hear me out. There will never be any occasion when you will need to use the n-word, ever. Even if Kendrick Lamar invites you onstage and the only word in the song is “nigga,” don’t say it. Censor yourself…
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I’m Tired of Enduring the Abuse and Pain That Makes Me a ‘Strong Black Woman’
A month ago at work, a white man physically threatened me. He wanted to know my name so he could report me, so he came close to me and followed me into my work building and repeated his request. His goal was to intimidate, because maybe I intimidated him. It started because I couldn’t hear…
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Do White People Go to Chuck E. Cheese’s?
As the father of a baby person—and also the uncle of some baby people—I’ve spent a disproportionate amount of time (for an adult) at Chuck E. Cheese’s in the past three years. Birthday parties, potty-train parties, random Saturdays when you’re babysitting your nephew and don’t have shit else to do—I’ve been there enough to consider…
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The Full Story of the White Woman Arrested for Petting a Black Woman’s Dog Is Even Wilder (and Whiter) Than You Think
As I noted yesterday, Becky With the Bold Hands went through the entire gamut of aggrieved white weaponry when she was detained by police officers for attempting to pet a black woman’s dog without permission. Tears, kicks, threats, panic attacks smoothly transitioning into lucid vulgarities—it was like watching Beatrix Kiddo at the House of Blue…
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Becky With the Bold Hands: White Woman Arrested for Attempting to Pet Black Woman’s Dog Without Permission
On the list of “Headlines I’ve always wished to write but assumed I’d never have the chance to,” “White Person Arrested for Petting a Black Person’s Dog Without Permission” might actually be No. 1, narrowly beating “Zimmerman Stampeded in Pamplona; Remains Yet to Be Found” and “Reparations Approved by Congress on One Condition: Deport R.…
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‘Calling the Police’ Is White People’s AppleCare for Black People
You’d think learning that Sarah Braasch—the woman who called the police on Yale graduate student Lolade Siyonbola for #NappingWhileBlack—is a philosophy Ph.D. candidate who’s studied gender and law would add something to this story. A surprise, perhaps, that a person who has undoubtedly encountered lessons on unconscious bias and systemic oppression would be so transparently…
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A List of the Fucks I Give About the Snitch-Ass Police Dogs That’ll Be Unemployed if Marijuana Is Legalized
1. Zero fucks 2. Nil fucks 3. Nan fucks 4. Zot fucks 5. Zip fucks 6. Nada fucks 7. Void fucks 8. Zilch fucks 9. Squat fucks 10. A negative fuck 11. A fuck that exists on an event horizon, which means it doesn’t really exist, at least not with the properties that we’ve come…
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‘Not All White People’: A Definitive Disclaimer
I wrote about white people gentrifying fried-bologna sandwiches last week. I knew as soon as I hit publish on the post what type of response it was going to get, but I published it anyway because the kinds of white people who would turn a fried-bologna sandwich into some type of hipster happy meal, complete…
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Judge to Man Who Said Wearing ‘MAGA’ Hat Is Part of His Religion: GTFOHWTBS
Updated Thursday, April 26, 2018, 3:25 p.m. EDT: John Neidich, the owner of the Happiest Hour, issued this statement to The Root: At the Happiest Hour we firmly support women’s rights, marriage equality, gun control, the environment, and regard for the truth—we don’t discriminate. What’s gotten lost in this story is that the guest wasn’t…
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How to Be a Better White Person
I am asked, frequently, by people who happen to be white and also happen to read my work (or perhaps happened to listen to me speak) about how to be a better white person. I’m often compelled to answer, “Go to the gym, I guess, and be nice to bartenders.” Which is an adequate answer,…