white people
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25 Questions for the Random White People Who Try to Touch My Baby in Public
1. Why do you think it’s cool to try to touch my baby? 2. Do you realize that my baby is 2? 3. And that she literally just learned the concepts of “yes” and “no” a year ago? 4. Which means that even if she says “yes” when you ask her if you can touch…
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New Hit Musical Features White Woman, White Cast Singing ‘Slave Songs’
As further proof that the gentrifying instinct of caucasity knows no bounds, a new theater presentation featuring “slave songs” sung by an all-white cast, backed by an all-white band and led by a white director has quickly become the biggest hit at the largest jazz festival in the world. Coming soon to a theater near…
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30 Ways White People Say 'Black People' Without Actually Saying 'Black People'
1. Urban 2. Inner city 3. At risk 4. Low income 5. Thug 6. Welfare recipient/dependent 7. Any out of context reference to Chicago (This, btw, also works for Detroit.) 8. Drug dealer (Interestingly enough, not drug addict. Perhaps because drug addict implies a passivity and victimhood that drug dealer does not.) 9. Single parent(s)…
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40 Ways White People Say ‘White People’ Without Actually Saying ‘White People’
1. Americans 2. Real Americans 3. Middle America 4. Working-class Americans 5. Patriots 6. Europeans 7. Southerners 8. Midwesterners 9. Millennials 10. Christians 11. Evangelicals 12. Red-state voters 13. Rust Belt voters 14. Conservatives 15. Republicans 16. Suburbanites 17. Gentrifiers 18. Families 19. Veterans 20. Soccer moms 21. Management 22. Law enforcement 23. Hardworking Americans…
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New Study Might Explain Why White People Seem So Angry Lately
Have you ever wondered why the “alt-right” is obsessed with the term “white genocide”? Are you perplexed about the Trump administration’s obstinate insistence on snatching babies from the arms of parents and tossing them into makeshift concentration camps? Were you shocked to hear about the decline in Fox News viewers and Taylor Swift’s album sales?…
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Kanye’s Ye Is a Soundtrack for Gentrifiers
I was once a resident of Yeezus Island, but this spring has compelled me, finally, to put my house on the market. I doubt there will be any buyers, though. Maybe Jonah Hill might be interested, but my optimism has limitations. Anyway, Ye—which I listened to a few times last weekend—is many things. Undercooked. Scattered.…