trump
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Trump’s COVID-19 Task Force Wasted No Time Throwing Georgia and Gov. Brian Kemp Under the Coronavirus Bus
Remember when kiss-ass election thief Georgia Gov. Brian Kemp was eager to show Trump that he was an obedient Trump soldier by refusing to implement a statewide mandatory mask law? Oh, Kemp was showing out for the president. He reportedly purchased a Camaro and then rode in front of the White House doing donuts hoping Trump…
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Trump’s Pushing His Racist Birther Theory Again, This Time Against Kamala Harris
When the economy was upright and Americans could go outside without wearing a full-body condom and Trump was just another old white man yelling on his Twitter lawn, “the way too old to be trolling with his trolling ass”-failed businessman was pushing a racist birther theory that then-President Obama was not an actual citizen but…
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Michael Cohen’s New Book Confirms the President’s Love of Golden Showers and Tax Fraud
What do you know, turns out that the president’s orange-tinted skin might not come from a slathering of Kylie Cosmetics’ Weathered Basketball No. 7 and well, it could be Russian prostitute urine. I know. I know. But this isn’t speculation anymore as the president’s former fixer and personal lawyer, the slimeball that is Michael Cohen,…
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Trump Comes After Kamala Harris and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and AOC Claps Back
On Thursday, President Trump continued the verbal assault on prominent female politicians and an MSNBC host, and unless the 53 percent of white women who voted this fuckstick* into office don’t take notice and give a shit, he’s going to keep doing it and maintain the highest office in the land. During an interview with…
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Hair Piece: Trump Can't Talk About COVID-19 Deaths Because He’s Busy Changing Shower Regulations to Fix His Mane (No, Really.)
Sometimes two worlds collide: sports and politics; LL Cool J and Brad Paisley’s Accidental Racist and our eardrums; and The Onion and The Root. Unfortunately, this is not one of those times, but it could be because the president of people who would rather die than wear a flimsy 10 cent mask is having trouble with…
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Trump Claims Kamala Harris Is ‘Dream Opponent.’ Wait Till She Destroys Sexless Robot Mike Pence
On Wednesday, President Trump was doing it again, and by again, I mean he was acting as if a tornado of an opponent who is looking to bring his house down was fitting right into his plans. The president of people who enjoy Barstool Sports claimed that California Sen. Kamala Harris, she of the sisterhood of…
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Destiny’s Child Breakup and Other Events Trump Believes Ended Because of the 1918 Spanish Flu
In Trump’s world, facts don’t matter, common sense is a liability and all of his staffers are required to act as if human skin can just naturally turn the color of a carrot without assistance. On Monday, the president of people who let their pets sleep in their beds claimed that the Spanish flu of…
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Trump and Anthony Scaramucci Get Into Twitter Spat After the Former White House Employee Says He’s Voting for Biden
There is a trend with ex-employees of the Trump administration and it looks like this: Bash the president that they once happily served—which is why it will always be fuck all of them. Fuck Omarosa. (Where is she, anyway?) Fuck John Kelly, James Mattis, John Bolton, H.R. McMaster, and most spectacularly, Anthony Scaramucci, whose time…
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Trumpkashi 45 Has to Be Trolling Us With This Mount Rushmore Bullshit
A good troll has to work hard to sell it or else it doesn’t work. And Trump has been trolling for years. In fact, he’s been trolling since Obama was in office, but I’ve mentioned this to several friends at different times: I don’t really know where Trump stands on any issue because he’s, well,…
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Trump Thinks Biden Is Going to Punch the Bible and Drop Kick God if Elected President
President Trump believes that if Joe Biden is elected president, his first days in office would include Biden placing the Bible on the floor of the White House bedroom and the 77-year-old diving off the bed to deliver a big elbow to the helpless Bible. The president of people who’ve thrown out all their watches…