trump
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Was Donald Trump Jr. on Cocaine? And Other Questions From the First Day of the Republican National Convention
On Monday, Satan had his first Zoom call and the results were a baffling mess of mayonnaise-slathered fuckshit. Day one of the Republican National Convention was basically an all-you-can-eat buffet of clusterfuckness. I don’t even know where to begin. Let’s just start with cocaine, shall we? I’m no doctor, but I play one for The…
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Trump Might Not Know New York Attorney General Letitia James, But He’s Gonna Learn Tuhday
I keep trying to tell y’all this, and I feel like this is not getting to the people in the back, but New York Attorney General Letitia James did not come here to play with you and your little friends. She, of the James family, which includes such luminaries as: LeBron, Jesse, King, Etta, Rick,…
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Kellyanne Conway Is Leaving Trump Administration to Keep Daughter From Posting Family Business on Social Media
Look, The Root uses the same cutoff marker that amusement park rides use to determine who can get on this ride. We don’t fuck with kids unless they are Matt Gaetz’s adopted, but not really adopted, man-boy or Trump’s kids not named Barron. So we won’t be talking about Kellyanne and George Conway’s teenage daughter…
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Day 1 of Satan’s Workshop, aka the Republican National Convention: It’s All About the Trumps
I never thought this day would come. No, seriously, I just figured Trump would be so confident in Russia’s ability to steal a second election that he wouldn’t even bother with a convention, and yet, here we are. Satan’s workshop starts Monday, and there are so many things that must be addressed, but first I…
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Maryanne Trump Barry Describes Her Brother As the Cheating Cretin He Is in Secret Recording
Everybody knows that Donald Trump is a vile human being. Anyone who pretends they don’t is lying, like the many GOP politicians who called him trash before he got elected and then completely pivoted to pretending he is a decent man worthy of the presidency. Anyway, the Washington Post has revealed that Trump’s own sister,…
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Postmaster General Imitates the ‘This Is Fine’ Meme During Senate Hearing
Postmaster General Louis DeJoy, aka Louis DaFuckboi, claimed that there is nothing to worry about during the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee hearing on Friday. Sure, mail-sorting machines have been removed, including in places where there were only two machines to begin with, and yes, some public mailboxes have been removed, and yes,…
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Judge Rejects Trump’s Challenge to Subpoena, Tells President to Show Manhattan DA What Those Taxes Do
President Donald Trump came all the way to New Orleans to get beads but he doesn’t want to show his taxes. Trump will bend over but he refuses to let his knees touch his elbows. Trump will shake it fast, but he will not, under any circumstances, watch himself. Well, on Thursday, federal judge, Victor…
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White House Chief of Staff Claims Trump Is the Only President to Take Out a Terrorist. Osama Bin Laden's Ghost Says That's a Lie
Ever since Mark Meadows left Nickelodeon’s Double Dare his life has been trending downhill. Managing Editor Genetta Adams: That wasn’t Mark Meadows that was Marc Summers. Me: Oh shit, what did Mark Meadows do before becoming White House chief of staff? GA: Who knows? While Meadows might not have had a job before working for…
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Trump Calls for Boycott of Goodyear Tires After Claim That Company Banned MAGA Attire
If the president doesn’t walk his ass into Jerry Jones’ empty Cowboys stadium and have all of the seats after calling for a boycott of Goodyear Tires upon learning that they don’t want their employees wearing that “Make America Great Again” shit. The official sportswear of klansmen on the go, MAGA merch is right up…
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Everything We Know About Trump’s Attempts to Cripple the Postal Service and What Democrats Are Doing to Stop It
If you have been paying attention to Trump’s latest attempts to steal the presidential election or waiting on a check to come in the mail, you’ve probably not been up on game. It’s OK, I got you. Alright, so boom: Basically, Trump has been doing the thing he does when he’s trying to steal an…