trump
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Trump Gives Defense Secretary James Mattis the Boot 2 Months Early, as Told by Beyoncé Lyrics
“To the left, to the left Everything you own in the box to the left…” Days removed from being on the receiving end of one of the best reads in recent memory, our soon-to-be former Secretary of Defense James Mattis came home to find his Nikes on the curb and his car engulfed in flames…
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Our Government Is Shut Down Because All Trump Wanted for Christmas Was His Border Wall
While the rest of us are scouring Amazon and invading outlet malls to snatch up last minute Christmas gifts, our Commander-in-Tweet really wanted his U.S.-Mexico border wall so damn bad that he killed a bipartisan spending deal that would’ve avoided a government shutdown. As such, we now enter Day 2 of a partial shutdown in…
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MAGA Raises Over $14 Million (and Counting) to Build Trump's Wall But They Might Be Getting Refunds Instead
While the grassroots online campaign We the People Will Fund the Wall—noted for their innate ability to adore nachos while simultaneously hating Mexican people, as well keep a running total of all of their black friends—has raised over $14 million (and counting) in their quest to Make America Caucasian Again, it turns out that their…
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Trump Tells Republicans to Go ‘Nuclear’ for Border Wall, GOP Tells Crazy Old Man to Go Sit Down
Senate Republicans have kindly told President “Boarder” Wall to go fuck himself over his claims that they should change Senate rules to bully funding for his dumb as Lego Wall along the Mexican border. “I’ve long said that eliminating the legislative filibuster would be a mistake,” said outgoing Senate Finance Committee Chairman Orrin Hatch (R-Utah)…
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Did Fox and Friends Force Trump to Shut Down the Government If He Doesn’t Get His Border Wall?
While the Senate was busy passing a bill to keep the government open, Fox and Friends were busy calling out the president for caving to Congress for agreeing to sign a bill that didn’t include his “boarder” wall. “This is going to be a problem for Republicans,” guest host Jebidiah Bila said. “I think a…
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Acting Attorney General Matthew Whitaker Cleared To Oversee Russia Investigation: Report
We are entering really dangerous territory as Justice Department ethics officials have consulted with Acting Attorney General Matt Whitaker — you know the man that Trump handed the job as America’s top cop; the man who didn’t have to be confirmed or questioned by a congressional panel; the man who has gone on national TV…
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Something Mysterious Is Happening With Michael Cohen But No One Knows Because It's Locked in a Vault
Where is Geraldo Rivera when you need him to get to the bottom of some secret vault shit?! On Wednesday, someone filed a document with something about a criminal case involving President Trump’s former lawyer and forever duffel bag carrier, Michael Cohen. And no one knows who filed it or what it says because it’s…
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Rudy Giuliani Claimed Trump Tower Moscow Wasn't a Thing. Then CNN Showed Up With Receipts
The president’s lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, is having a full-on showdown with the bizarro emperor of America to see who’s better at lying to the American public about everything. The funny thing is, both of them use the same deranged method of acting like everything is nothing. At this point, if both Trump and Giuliani were…
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The Devil's Mouthpiece Says Trump Will Find Other Ways to Fund His Dumb Wall and We Have Some Ideas
President Trump doesn’t run the White House. He doesn’t run the Waffle House, Run’s House, the House of Pancakes or any house. And as such, once the president got home with the GOP lagging behind him, he calmly suggested—the way that suggestions sounds like a mom telling you to change out of your shorts and…
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Eric Reid Has Been Drug Tested 7 Times in 11 Weeks Because the NFL is the Trump Administration of Sports
The NFL is the Trump administration of American sports leagues. Despite being almost 70 percent black, the NFL ownership doesn’t care about black people. They bend policies, hire accused domestic abusers, and make no bones about doing whatever they want with impunity. Sounds a lot like the current administration, doesn’t it? So either Carolina Panthers…