trump
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Michael 'Eddie King Jr' Cohen Is Ready to Prove He's Still Got It; Will Testify Before Congress
Trump’s former lawyer Michael “nights like this I wish that raindrops would fall” Cohen is ready to go full Eddie King Jr. (the church Eddie King, not the kicked-out-the-group Eddie King) in front of the House Oversight Committee in a major move by House Democrats. According to a schedule published by the committee, Trump’s former…
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Trump Sends Temper Tantrum Tweet Denying He Threw a Temper Tantrum
The president of people who ride recumbent bikes issued a series of whiny, fussy, I-didn’t-have-a good-nap-laced tweets aimed at his brief meeting with Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi at the White House Wednesday afternoon. You know, the meeting that Trump held and then stormed out of as soon as he…
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Trump Just Threw a Temper Tantrum and Walked Out of a Meeting Over a Wall That Only Racists Want
President Don Snow, the watcher of the wall who is valiantly protecting America from the White Brown Walkers, showed today that his negotiating tactics amounted to a huffy child folding his arms and storming out of the room after learning that he’s not getting a Nintendo Switch until he gets his grades up. On Wednesday…
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The 'Stable Genius' Just Rage-Tweeted a Misspelled Threat to Cut Funds for Fighting 'Forrest Fires'
On Wednesday, a little after 10 a.m. on the East Coast, which means that the president has already walked the halls of the White House wearing only an adult diaper and a robe made the innards of orphaned baby seals clubbed to death with oak legs from authentic Victorian-era dining tables. He’s already drank a…
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I Don't Ever Want to Try Whatever Kool-Aid Kanye West Keeps Drinking
Radical acceptance. The Serenity Prayer. “It is what it is.” That’s just a few of the myriad methods many of us employ when trying to come to grips with shit we don’t like. You didn’t get that Chrimmuh bonus you just knew you deserved? It sucks, but being unwilling to accept it isn’t going to…
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Trump Rage Tweets That He’ll ‘Close The Southern Border Entirely’ If He Doesn’t Get Money For His Wall
The wifi signal in the presidential dungeon was at full strength Friday morning as the president woke from his slumber, slaughtered a baby goat, gulped down a warm cup of baby goat blood (it really gets the hate juices flowing) and still had time to rage tweet that he’s going to shut down the entire…
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Trump Bragged to Troops About a 10 Percent Pay Raise He Never Gave Them
After being shamed into visiting the troops around Christmastime, President Artie Lange’s Coke Nose boasted to American troops in Iraq about the 10 percent pay raise he fought for to make sure soldiers were taken care of because had it not been for a doctor writing a bogus bill of health to keep him out…