trump tweets
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Can Someone in the White House Run and Get the KFC Bucket off the Old Fool’s Head? He’s Recklessly Tweeting Again
President Krusty Fried Cuckold—wait, did you see what I did there? KFC? OK, let me start over. Donald Trump is recklessly tweeting again, and he’s using all caps and throwing his weight around. Somehow, someone inside the White House left the child lock off of his phone, and I guess during his morning session of…
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Trump Shows That in His Mind, Only White Men Deserve the Benefit of the Doubt
In President Donald Trump’s latest edition of “White Men Are Soooo Persecuted,” more than a few folks clapped back against his seeming raison d’être (protecting the feelings and asses of said white men). On Saturday the president tweeted that “[p]eoples lives are being shattered and destroyed by a mere allegation,” referring to the resignations of…
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Trump’s Newest Enemy: The US Postal Service
I don’t know why the president can’t vacation like the rest of us. I guess when he calls Mar-a-Lago the winter White House and claims that he’ll be “working” from his Shithole, Fla., vacation estate, he means that he’ll be attacking people on Twitter. On Friday the president of the middle states, where racism is…
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Ain’t That Just Like a White Nationalist: Trump Pissed at the Removal of ‘Beautiful’ Confederate Statues
President Douchey von ShitFace isn’t happy that the “beautiful” statues commemorating racism at its finest are being removed, because you know racism and monuments to racism need to be preserved! The president’s tweets most likely came after his bathing and before his morning snack. I believe that during this time, one of his minions reads…
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Trump Gives Tired Speech Denouncing Hate, Then Tweets Dog Whistle to White Supremacists
President Trump has always been a racist and a supporter of white supremacy. So when the president gave his carefully crafted speech denouncing white hate some two days ago as the torch-wielding race rally left one woman dead and several injured, the only people who were moved by the speech were white supremacists. They were…
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The Man Dance Between Trump and North Korea Continues; President Tweets That US Military Is ‘Locked and Loaded’
Donald Trump just won’t shut the hell up. Seriously. He won’t stop trying to get America into a nuclear war with the most unstable leader in the world. In fact, Guam—Guam, of all places!—is currently being threatened because the president won’t stop talking, or tweeting. At this rate, President Vladimir TrumPutin might be the first…
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Trump Is a Passive-Aggressive Lover Who Needs to End It With Jeff Sessions
Because the president handles his relationships like a Twitter-obsessed teen, the American public has been privy to the nightmare reality show that is the White House, and, it looks like Attorney General Jeff Sessions has upset the emperor. On Tuesday morning, President “Da Fuq Is Wrong With This Man?” tweeted: I guess the president doesn’t…
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If Trump Tweets and No One Reports It, Does It Make a Sound?
It’s Monday, and that usually means that the president, who has the mental capacity of a teenager in the back of his parents’ car on a road trip vacation he doesn’t want to be on, is tweeting again. Of course, he’s tweeting about Russia and witch hunts and FAKE NEWS (all caps, always all caps)…
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Trump Is Going to Tweet the US Into a War
Another day, another dumbass tweet from President Tiny Twitter Fingas. I know there are those who believe that the media shouldn’t follow the tweets of the dictator-in-chief. Those who believe that his tweets only move the focus away from his work or lack thereof, but let me assure you that his tweets are important, and…
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Trump Goes on Twitter Rampage, Claims Morning Joe Host ‘Was Bleeding Badly From a Face-Lift’
Donald Trump is a messy bitch. Full stop. Wait, I just got a video message from the president: On Thursday mooring, instead of focusing his energy on his Trumpcare bill, which is suffering from severe chest pains and shortness of breath, the dictator-in-chief waded into the petty waters to attack Morning Joe co-hosts Joe Scarborough…