trump tweets
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Old White Men Beef: Trump to Koch Brothers: I Made Them Richer … I Don't Need Their Money or Bad Ideas
President Trump is falling out of favor of Republicans who don’t believe that camouflage is a formal attire. After learning that the villainous Koch brothers held a “retreat” (which was really a secret gathering in a lair) in Colorado Springs, Colo., in which the heavy hitting conservative donors bagged portions of Trump’s presidency, Trump railed…
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President Trump Is Rage-Tweeting and Big Mad That Robert Mueller Is About to Be All Up in His Tweets
It’s Friday, so you know that means that the president of people who buy hotdogs at gas stations is rage-tweeting again. First, he targeted his former lawyer and personal fixer Michael Cohen’s claims that he knew of the 2016 meeting his dumb son, Donald Jr., aka Not-Ivanka, had with a Russian operative who promised dirt…
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The Senile Old Man in the White House Is Going to All-Cap Tweet Us Into a War With Iran
If these boisterous threats are true, this might be the first time in American history that the President of the United States has tweeted us into a war. Late Sunday evening the fake president and very real reality star decided to issue a furious all-caps tweet to Iran. First off, what the fuck was the…
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After Meeting With One of the World’s Worst Dictators, Trump Declares the Press America’s Biggest Enemy
So now that the president of the United States is all “Go, best friend, that’s my best friend” with the tyrannical leader of North Korea, he somehow believes that the press is America’s biggest enemy. In an angry tweet Wednesday, Donald Trump declared that CNN and NBC were the purveyors of “fake news,” all claims…
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Trump to Give Full Pardon to Satan’s Favorite Author, Dinesh D’Souza
It’s good to see that Donald Trump’s meeting with prison-reform activist Kim Kardashian had a positive effect on the president’s feelings about unjust incarceration. Less than 24 hours after that meeting with the Calabasas, Calif., civil rights leader, Trump has decided to pardon Dinesh D’Souza, the unjustly accused and convicted author of leanings so far…
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Trump Still Hates Jeff Sessions for Being Jeff Sessions
Attorney General Jeff Sessions has always been trash. He openly hates arguably the most peaceful herb of all herbs, and Martin Luther King Jr.’s widow openly despised his ass. That’s right: Coretta Scott King took time out of her busy day to pen a letter to block the 1986 nomination of Jeff Sessions for federal…
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Trump’s Latest Conspiracy Theory Might Be His Craziest Yet
Truth and evidence are two things that have never bothered President Donald Trump or his administration. In fact, if truth and evidence were a person, it would be 2001 Tyronn Lue, and the personification of Trump’s care for truth and evidence would be Allen Iverson. On Tuesday, shocking absolutely no one who didn’t vote for…
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Can Someone Take the iPad From the President? He’s Tweeting About ‘Criminal Deep State’ Conspiracy Again
My money is on Vice President Mike Pence as being the member of Donald Trump’s Cabinet who keeps sliding the president an unlocked iPad when no one is looking so that he can send out his conspiratorial tweets to take the spotlight off the very real Russia investigation. Early Wednesday morning, Trump confiscated Pence’s iPad,…
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Trump’s Bullying of the Justice Department Again Must Mean the Russia Investigation Is Heating Up
Whenever President Donald Trump starts tweeting wildly and furiously, it usually means he’s bothered about the Russia investigation. On Sunday the president fired off a series of all-cap-and-exclamation-point-laden tweets that were all over the place. In the end, the most telling tweet, and the one that proves that Trump is about his business of deflecting…
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Trump Wants to Punish Journalists, Admits That ‘Fake News’ Is Anything Negative About His Administration
President Donald Trump is a lot of things—a man who paints his skin with the finest orange Krylons; a fine connoisseur of America’s best xenophobia, misogyny and racism—but he is not a smart man. Despite his team’s best efforts to keep a phone out of his tiny hands, somehow President Jebediah von Sleufoot continues to…