theory & essay
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America Is A Big-Ass Alternative Fact
The first time I lied on my dick was the summer between 5th and 6th grade, when realizing that lying about the dispossession of my virginity to impress veteran non-virgins and fellow rising sixth graders (and, more than likely, fellow liars) Aaron Ray and Anthony Allen was much easier than finding a willing partner to attempt to have sex…
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Jeff Sessions’ Confirmation Hearings Were Trump's America In A Nutshell
Time permitting; I watch quite a bit of reality television. I’m partial to the Love & Hip Hop series that VH1 and Mona Scott-Young so graciously stream into my living room on Monday nights. You’ll never find me defending the shenanigans of anybody on the show; for me, it exists as a form of mindless…
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Stop Being The Gym Snob Who Complains About New People At The Gym After New Year's
Despite the pending apocalypse’s greatest efforts to wipe out the human population in one fell swoop, the bulk of us have managed to make it out of 2016. The stroke of midnight came, folks drank their champagne – or if your name rhymes with Pariah Larry, threw out your earpiece and decided to defer New…
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2016 Sucked For A Lot Of People. Damon Young Is Not One Of Them.
By most accounts, 2016 was balls. So many of our favorite celebrities bought the farm. Trump was elected. It was so bad that even perennial Race Draft offeree Don Lemon said that it was an awful year, prompting his bosses to cut his mic after announcing how “lit” he was while in New Orleans for…
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Tiger Woods As Mac Daddy Santa Is The Gift America Deserves, But Not The One It Needs Right Now
For the past 30 or so years, I’ve been in possession of and possessed with an amorphous and unwieldy void lurking within me — a bottomless abyss of “eh, I guess” — and I’ve taken great pains to fulfill it. Sometimes with plans and people. Sometimes with Pittsburgh and really nice pants. Sometimes with pancakes and…
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My TI-83 Graphing Calculator Is The Real MVP and My STEM Folks Know What I'm Talking About
In the summer of 1997, right after graduating from high school, I was offered the opportunity to participate in a pre-freshman summer program at Morehouse College (my eventual alma mater) directed at those of us entering the school as science, math, or engineering majors. It was called Center of Excellence in Science, Math, and Engineering…
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Are Politics More Divisive Than Race? Survey Says…GTFOH.
Yesterday morning I read an article in the Washington Post’s “Express” mini-paper called “Political shopping lists” about how the most recent political campaign has increased divisiveness to the point of affecting people’s shopping choices as folks try to bubble inward with only similar beliefed and minded people. This article made mention of “Hamilton” (you all remember…
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I'm Scared To Death Of Randomly Dying And This Embarrasses The Fuck Out Of Me
This time last year, with weight that I’m perfectly fine with calling “pregnancy weight” despite the fact that the gain began before my wife became pregnant still attached to my thighs, my face, and my gut, I weighted approximately 225 pounds. I was 199 when stepping on the scale this morning. I do not feel…
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Is "Homie" Spelled Homie Or Homey? (Hint: It's Totally, Definitely, Absolutely Homie)
Yesterday, the homie (See how I spelled it there?) Samantha Irby posted a Facebook status where she shared a conversation she had with her copyeditor about a line in her new book. Samantha spelled homie “homie” (the right way), but her editor suggested that homey is the preferred spelling. This spawned a debate on her page,…