theory & essay
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The Search For The Soul Ben Carson Once Possessed
Dear Ben Carson, Yesterday, you said that enslaved people were immigrants, and whether you believe that deep down in the soul you used to possess, one can never know. Nevertheless, I am going to talk to you even though I fear you vacated your body a long time ago. I believe you sent yourself away…
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Hi Everyone. I Had An Aortic Aneurysm Last Weekend, Which Is As Deadly And Fucking Scary As It Sounds
If you would have been on Centre Avenue in Pittsburgh this past Sunday afternoon at approximately 5pm, and just so happened to be on the stretch of Centre that runs from UPMC Shadyside to Patron Mexican Grill on the corner of Centre and Highland, you might have seen me driving past. And if you saw me,…
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What I’ve Learned (And What I'm Learning) A Year After My Divorce
Seems that nearly everyone agrees that 2016 was a front-to-back wack-ass year for a lot of wack-ass reasons. For me, the year took a sharp-left shit-show turn in its very first seconds. Literally. During an otherwise wonderful New Year’s Eve wedding with my family in Detroit, my wife and I descended into the worst fight…
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Dear White People Who Believe They're Victims Of Racial Oppression: You Are Wrong and You Are Dumb
Do y’all remember that time some Africans sailed across the Atlantic Ocean and found a bunch of people living on some continents and got friendly with them and then decided, “Oh, y’all cool but do you mind, we’re going to kill you now and steal your land. Ok thanks?” But then they were like, “well…
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I'm Officially "I Fucked Up My Back By Either Sitting, Driving, Or Masturbating" Years Old, And This Makes Me Sad
I began this week in the doctor’s office, due to an issue completely unrelated to the one mentioned in the title. I won’t go into detail about exactly what the issue was, but just know that it was enough for me to spend quite a bit of time over the last month on WedMD and Wikipedia, where…
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A Prayer Because I'm Just *CENSORED* Tired
Congregation of St. Panama Jackson the United Methodist Baptist Pentecostal AME Church of God in Christ Episcopal Primitive Missionary Baptist Down By The Riverside Holiness Church, please bow your heads…again: Dear 175 lb, carpenter god/God, afro-pic utilizing banned from the USA, Jesus, I’m tired. My feet are weary even though you’ve allegedly been carrying me…
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Confession: I Went On 2.5 Dates With A Hotep And Lived To Tell The Tale
Before Facebook memes about women making a plate for their man and Dr. Umar Johnson took the interwebs by storm, I was quite uninitiated to the world of the Hotep. I knew guys like Shazza Zulu from A Different World existed but I never thought I was the kind of dame to have one stumble…
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This "Debate" Between Jessica Williams, Shirley MacLaine, And Salma Hayek Is Every Frustration I've Had With White Women
Women of all colors and backgrounds have been fighting for the right to be viewed with just as much humanity as men since we first crawled out of caves. This is a noble cause that all mankind must take up. We all know this. Or at least we should. But somehow whiteness always finds a…
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Donald Trump Gives All The Fucks. This Is A Bad Thing.
Donald Trump is a scary, scary man. I can hear you saying “no shit” from my office in DC. From his cabinet picks – nearly all of whom are unqualified for their new jobs or in the case of Jeff Sessions, qualified on paper but good gotdamn – to the potential Supreme Court picks, we’re in…