Black News and Black Views with a Whole Lotta Attitude

theory & essay

Very Smart Brothas

Poignant-Ass Simple Shit My Mom Used To Say To Me, Ranked

(My mom grew up on a farm and has 13 siblings. I love her.) 10. “I don’t know them people.” This was usually stated when I asked her to sleep over at a new friend’s house. The answer was always no, but she told me that my friends could sleep over at our place any…

By

Vontilla Steven

Published

May 27, 2015
Very Smart Brothas

I'm Thinking About Getting Rid Of My Physical Music Collection. Hold Me.

I own a lot of CDs. You remember those things, don’t you? After the cassette tape and before Apple changed the music game, CDs were what was hot on the streets. I still remember my first few purchases. After seeing the movie Juice, I talked my dad into buying me Cypress Hill’s debut album. Then…

By

Panama Jackson

Published

May 27, 2015
Very Smart Brothas

There Are Many Perfectly Valid Reasons To Hate Jay Z. Tidal, However, Isn't One Of Them

1. As a young man, Jay Z spent an indeterminate amount of time dealing crack cocaine in the neighborhood he grew up in. 2. He was so good at dealing crack that he managed to make a small fortune from it and elude any serious legal consequences. 3. He left selling crack behind completely, instead…

By

Damon Young

Published

May 26, 2015
Very Smart Brothas

Foods Your Bitch Ass Better Not Bring To A Memorial Day Cookout

1. Tossed salad Because no one — not even the fire ants and mosquitoes sharing an all-inclusive buffet on your ashy ankles — wants to eat your soggy-ass, lettuce the color of beef and broccoli Timberlands-ass, tossed salad at a fucking cookout. 2. Tuna salad The only thing shittier than your StarKist and mayonnaise and macaroni after…

By

Damon Young

Published

May 25, 2015
Very Smart Brothas

Five Things Having A Pregnant Wife Has Taught Me

1. Look, I get it. Pretty much every living thing you see — humans, birds, gnats, plants, Zetas, etc — can reproduce. And when something can be done by everything that shares any type of biological connection to you, it’s really not that big of a deal. I mean, I didn’t go around all excited and…

By

Damon Young

Published

May 22, 2015
Very Smart Brothas

I Am Not Soliciting Prostitutes. I'm Just Walking My Dog. Please Believe Me.

Couple things you need to know before we get started: 1. The Wife Person and I have an 11-year-old pit bull named Mickey. Now, you might not trust me when I tell you Mickey happens to be the nicest, sweetest, and smartest dog I’ve ever met. Because of course a dog owner probably isn’t going…

By

Damon Young

Published

May 21, 2015
Very Smart Brothas

A "Mixed Signal" Is Not A Mixed Signal

Imagine you’re a pilot. Not a fake pilot like Frank Abagnale. But a real actual pilot who does real actual pilot shit. You’re flying a plane from LaGuardia to Dulles. It’s 10pm and there’s a storm, so the visibility isn’t great, but it’s nothing you haven’t experienced before. Because, again, you’re a motherfucking pilot. You…

By

Damon Young

Published

May 20, 2015
Very Smart Brothas

An Investigation: Why White People Hate Kanye West So Damn Much

Human Rorschach test Kanye West closed out last night’s Billboard Music Awards with performances of “All Day” and “Black Skinhead” that were bleeped so many times they should have just had him holding a sign with the word “censored” as the entire performance. The reactions on my timeline and newsfeed about his pyrotechnics ranged from pissed to exasperated…

By

Damon Young

Published

May 18, 2015
Very Smart Brothas

Jake Ballard And The Friend Zone Mt. Rushmore

With each episode, Jake Ballard is discovering new levels of the friend zone. Levels we didn’t know exist. Levels we didn’t know were possible to exist. Levels that disrupt our understanding of the friend zone, and force us to reassess our concepts of time, space, dimensions, and cunnilingus. To merely call him a friend zone…

By

Damon Young

Published

May 15, 2015
Very Smart Brothas

A Guide To Reading VSB For People Who Just Now Discovered VSB

Hello, person who just recently discovered VSB. My name is Damon Young, and I’m the editor-in-chief and co-founder of VSB. That’s me in the picture with the sunglasses and the egghead. The fashionable fella to my right is Panama Jackson, senior editor and also a co-founder. Here’s another picture of a much, much, much, much-less-drunk…

By

Damon Young

Published

May 13, 2015