sports
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Roger Goodell Is A Turducken Of Shitty
In one of the emails in Deadspin’s Funbag this week, someone brought up a wacky teacher who’d give students 95s on multiple choice tests if they got every answer wrong. Get one or two right, though, and you’d get your real grade. Obviously, the implied rationale is that if you’re able to intentionally get every answer wrong, you…
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Black People Don't Hate Dogs. We Just Hate When Their Lives Are Valued More Than Ours
My Pittsburgh Steelers are apparently courting Michael Vick to become their new back up QB. There are several reasons to be for (i.e.: the Steelers haven’t had a back up QB with an actual pulse since Charlie Batch) or against (i.e.: Michael Vick is the same age as “Rapper’s Delight”) this move. (For the record, I’m for…
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Serena Breaks The Internet. And Hearts. And Your Bitch Ass Too If You Don't Come Correct
They say a picture says a thousand words. But whoever “they” are have obviously never seen Serena Williams do a split on some makeshift uneven bars for an NY Mag profile; looking like and being every. damn. thing. at the exact same time. Because if “they” saw that, “they” would know some pictures only say one word. And…
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The Consistently And Embarrassingly Underappreciated Mike Tomlin
It is 1:40pm EST. Mike Tomlin is trending right now. By the time you read this, however, he probably won’t be anymore. Although (moderately) famous, he doesn’t have the type of fame that would keep him a day-long trending topic in July. Unless, of course, something bad happened. Which is exactly what I first assumed when first…
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Stephen A. Smith Is A Sellout
The first thing you have to remember when listening to Stephen A Smith is perhaps the most difficult thing to remember when listening to Stephen A Smith. He is smart. Very, very smart. It is easy to watch him and Skip Bayless hurl gargoyle shit at each other and assume they’re nincompoops. That they only throw the…
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Serena Williams Drinks, Bathes In, And Makes Lemonade With White Tears
Serena Williams just beat Maria Sharapova. Again. Because that’s what she does. Chew bubble gum, beat Maria Sharapova, and win majors. And I have no doubt that, as long as she doesn’t become too distracted by the emojis Drake is texting her right now, she will beat Garbine Muguruza in the Wimbledon final. There is a particular…
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The Haters' Guide To Successfully Hating The Golden State Warriors
The Golden State Warriors are the new NBA champions; a perfect end to a historic season where they won 67 games (the third most in NBA history) and won the affections of both casual and diehard fans with an aesthetically and analytically pleasing style of play. They also feature a ridiculously popular league MVP who might not…
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Everything You Need To Know But Didn't Think To Ask About The 2015 NBA Finals
Tonight, the Golden State Warriors will host the Cleveland Cavaliers for the first game of what should be a very entertaining finals. You have stars (Lebron, Curry, Kyrie, Klay), multiple compelling storylines, feisty Australians with hockey playoff beards, Draymond Green — the patron saint of “Wishanigga Woods”, and a team (Cleveland) very, very happy Oakland, California…