sports
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Why I Stopped Caring About Baseball
Growing up, I was fortunate enough to play several organized sports at varying levels from early youth through high school. I played soccer and basketball, ran both track and cross-country, gave football a short stint. In college I took badminton as one of my physical education requirements, and apparently my particular class was so good,…
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The Jordan Cry Face Meme Was Never Particularly Funny, And We Need To Retire It
There was a four to six month stretch in 2004 where I probably ate a Quinzos sub somewhere between four to 14 times a week. It was a relatively new franchise then. (At least new to Pittsburgh.) And I was so excited by the various meats and toasted breads and assembly line convection oven way…
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Allen Iverson's Greatest Contribution To Basketball Is An Unstoppable And Completely Illegal Dribble Move
There exists among many sports fans a reflexive need to assign a mysticism and morality to what happens on the field. If a team happens to win a game, it’s because they “wanted it more” than the other team, and not because they just happened to make more shots. If a player performs well in…
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On Kehlani, Nick Young, And Gender-Based Double Standards For Cheaters
In recent days, artists and ball players have provided a gotdamn clinic on how NOT go about several facets of everyday living. They’ve also exposed one of the most significant double standards we have in the Venus vs Mars debate. For those not in the know, a singer you don’t know named Kehlani used to…
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Maria Sharapova Must've Had Some Shitty Drugs If They Made Her Lose To Serena 18 Straight Times
The most famous scene in When Harry Met Sally — and one of the most memorable scenes in movie history — takes place in a diner as “Harry” (Billy Crystal) attempts to convince “Sally” (Meg Ryan) that men can tell when women are faking orgasms. Sally disputes this claim, and proves herself right by faking…
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The Way We Talk When We Talk About Athletes Is Dumb As Fuck. Understandable, But Dumb As Fuck
For many good and obvious reasons, Michael Jordan is considered the gold standard for contemporary athletes. His career and his success and his level of sustained greatness are the benchmarks other dominant athletes are judged by; in fact, it’s considered an honor to even be included in the same conversation. (And, occasionally, an insult to…
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Who Causes More White Tears: Cam Newton Or Serena Williams?
As mentioned here numerous times before, Serena Williams’s entire career has been a prolonged troll for White Tears. From the moment the Williams sisters emerged from Compton and disrupted the tennis world’s effete and bourgeois establishment, White Tears have trailed her the way breadcrumbs trailed Hansel and Gretel. They’re shed when she wins, when she receives awards, when…
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I Don't Want My Son To Play Football.
The movie Concussion, starring Will Smith and his odd African accent, opens on Christmas Day this year. It’s a movie about a forensic pathologist, Dr. Bennett Omalu, who came to odds with the National Football League (NFL) over his research and study into chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), which can be the end result of one…
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How Many Buckets Of White Tears Were Used To Write That Letter From The Tennessee Mom To Cam Newton?
To fully grasp the depths of the ridiculousness of that ridiculous Tennessee mother’s ridiculous open letter to Cam Newton, you should be aware that this act was ridiculous in both a micro and a macro sense. It’s ridiculousness was Darth. Pervasive. Amorphous. A ridiculous soufflé stuffed in a ridiculous turducken. Levels on levels on levels of…