president
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Auntie Maxine Ain’t Scared of No Damn Pipe Bomb
From day one, Rep. Maxine Waters of (D-Calif.) has made it abundantly clear that the president of the United States was a vile man who couldn’t be trusted and that she had no intention of trying to work with him. In fact, while the rest of her constituents were busy trying to walk the fine…
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Trump Feels Bad for Brett Kavanaugh; Won't Say Christine Blasey Ford's Name
There’s one thing I can say about the xenophobic, racist, sexist Trump train: It’s never late. Speaking for the first time since Christine Blasey Ford’s claim that Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh sexually assaulted her when they were both in high school, President Trump expressed his sympathy and regret and condolences… For Kavanaugh. “I feel…
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Biographer: Mike Pence Believes God Wants Him to Be President
Vice President Mike Pence, leader of America’s push for a space force, believes that God is calling him to be president. That’s right, the resident space cadet in the Oval Office not named Trump believes that God is “calling him” to “function as a president-in-waiting,” according to Michael D’Antonio, a CNN contributor and biographer of…
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Omarosa Confirms What We All Suspected: Trump's a Racist Who Uses the N-Word
Omarosa Manigault-Newman, the former best black friend to the president, has a new book, Unhinged, which sadly is not an autobiography but a memoir about her time inside the Big House White House. According to the Daily Beast, Omarosa writes that she felt a “growing realization that Donald Trump was indeed a racist, a bigot,…
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Wait, Stormy Daniels Lawyer Might Be Running for President? Don't Say This Is So
I get it, Michael Avenatti, the attorney for Stormy Daniels, is a good looking guy. This isn’t my personal opinion as I would argue that he’s an OK looking guy, but I’ve seen the tweets and listened to a co-worker at The Root, whom I shall not name but her name rhymes with Besha Ballahan,…
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Eric Holder for President? Obama's Former Attorney General 'Seriously Considering' Running in 2020
Former Our President Barack Obama’s play cousin, Eric Holder, is reportedly strongly considering running for the White House in 2020, and if this is the case, it means we can all look forward to a few things: A reworking of the national anthem by Maze featuring Frankie Beverly; An inauguration all-white party; All kinds of…
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Trump Saluted a North Korean General, but Let’s Keep Talking About Kneeling NFL Players
During his visit with brutal North Korean dictator—and wearer of one of the tightest Asian-man high-top fades, Kim Jong Un—President NuNu von SherbetSkin saluted a uniformed North Korean military officer because he doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing. According to the Daily Beast, after Donald Trump shook Kim Jong Un’s hand, the president then…
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#StayWoke: The Real Reason Trump’s Trying to Make China Great Again
On Sunday, seemingly out of nowhere, President Donald Trump tweeted that he was going to ease crushing sanctions on Chinese phone company ZTE, which, under President Barack Obama’s administration, pissed off the United States by selling Iran’s largest telecom firm a powerful surveillance system capable of spying on its citizens. After an investigation in 2012,…
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Watch: Trump Wants to Build That Dumbass Wall, but He’s Totally Fine With Low-Wage Foreign Guest Workers
During his millionth rally to drum up support for the presidential office that he already holds, Donald Trump told those in attendance that he had an answer for farmers who he noted may suffer “a little pain for a little while” because of his administration’s shady trade deals with several foreign partners. The answer (you…