president
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Trump Takes to Twitter to Bash Sexual Assault Accuser Because He’s Trash
When 53 percent of white women vote against their self-interests to elect a reality star to the highest office in the land, then no one can be surprised at the drama that ensues. Once again, President TinyFingers von GrabHands is back to bashing his accusers on social media because that’s really presidential. On Sunday, the…
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President Pussy Grabber Damn Near Stumps for Accused Sex Offender Roy Moore, Because of Course He Would
Let’s be clear about something: Asking President Donald Trump, an accused sex offender, about Alabama Republican Roy Moore, the U.S. Senate candidate who’s been accused of sexual assault, is like asking Harvey Weinstein to comment on R. Kelly. It’s weird to even ask the president’s position considering his infamous soundbite and alleged track record, but…
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Trump Claims to Have Spoken to the President of the US Virgin Islands Because He Doesn’t Know He’s the President of the US Virgin Islands
President Donald Trump is not a bright man. In fact, he might the dumbest man in the room—all of the rooms—because he doesn’t know that he’s dumb. In his mind, he’s smart and everyone else is slow. President Trump is also a liar. And he might be the worst kind of liar, because he actually…
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Please, Black Jesus, Let This Be True: Is Former Mass. Gov. Deval Patrick Eyeing a 2020 Run for the White House?
It sounds as if the team of former President—and black America’s president on a rent-to-own basis—Barack Obama is pushing for Obama’s friend former Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick to run for president in 2020. According to Politico, Obama and close adviser Valerie Jarrett have encouraged Patrick to consider a run for office. Jarrett was also quoted as…
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Trump’s at G-20, so You Know That Means He’s Tweeting Again
President Donald Trump reminds me of myself when I was in junior high school and didn’t have a girlfriend. Let me explain. I’d started a new school my eighth-grade year and I didn’t want to come in single, so I would make up stories about said girlfriend—who did exist, but we weren’t dating. Trump is…
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Eric Holder May Run for the White House in 2020
First, a prayer. Dear Black Jesus, If you are listening. I apologize for the chewing gum I stole from Mrs. Jefferson’s purse when I was in third grade. I was selfish back then. Also, I want to be clear that I forgive you for allowing one of Satan’s babies to govern the continental United States.…
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Trump Speaks to NRA and Receives the Shadiest of Welcomes From Atlanta City Council President
President Vladimir TrumPutin is speaking at the RWMWG Racist White Men With Guns National Rifle Association Leadership Forum in Atlanta, making him the first president in 34 years to speak to the gathering of raucous white men. This isn’t the first time that Trump has spoken to the NRA, which endorsed him in May of…
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Could Someone Tell Tropicana Jong-il Jr. He Won’t Fare as Well in Politics as His Terrible Father?
Donald Trump Jr. is an asshole. He has the intellectual curiosity of a dead sewer rat, the political sensibilities of a racist Twitter egg and the charm of a spider bite. He comes across as the kind of person Richie Rich punched in eighth grade. The sort of prick who, when hearing “Niggas in Paris”…
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President Oprah Winfrey?
It seems as though Oprah Winfrey may be having second thoughts about whether or not she could really become president. Well, you know, since you don’t need political experience anymore. In an interview with financier and philanthropist David Rubenstein, Winfrey said it now does seem like something she could do. Rubenstein mentioned the fact that…