president
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Illinois Senate Issues An Ultimatum to Trump: Release Your Tax Returns or You Won't Be on the 2020 Ballot
The Illinois Senate has put its foot down strong in the paint. On Thursday, the Democratic-led Senate proposed a deal that anti-Trump fans can get behind—either Trump releases five years’ worth of his personal income tax returns so they can see how many rubles he received from Russian oligarchs or he won’t appear on the…
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Trump Administration Kills Major League Baseball’s Deal With Cuba Because It Hates Obama and Brown People
In a move that can only be described as Trump on his Trump-shit again, President Trump, or “Great Leader” as he’s called in his white nationalist meetings at Mar-a-Lago, has overturned an Obama administration decision to allow Cuban players to join Major League Baseball teams without defecting. Mostly because the president of the United States…
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Trump Continues Reshuffling the Deck Chairs on the White House Titanic, Fires Secret Service Director
President Trump is removing U.S. Secret Service Director Randolph “Tex” Alles from his position, because he doesn’t have any idea what being president requires. On Sunday, Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen resigned for her position as the most deplorable person under Trump not named Sarah “Suckabee” Sanders. It’s been reported that Nielsen was going to…
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Donald Trump Continues to Claim His Father was Born in Germany. His Father Was Born in New York City
When I was younger, I used to tell girls that I was mixed race. It made me sound more exotic and made me seem more interesting. I wasn’t ashamed of being black, I just thought it was funny to see how easily people would believe me when I said that my father was black but…
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Trump Wants FBI and the DOJ to Review Jussie Smollett Case Because He's Only President to Rich White Criminals
President Trump has added his voice to the dissenters of those unhappy with the recent dropping of all charges in Empire actor Jussie Smollett’s alleged “MAGA country” beating. In an early morning tweet on Thursday, the president said that the FBI and the U.S. Department of Justice would review the case, calling it “outrageous” and…
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Trump Is Considering Going to the White House Correspondents' Dinner After Having the Best Week Ever
President Trump is having his best week ever as president. First, special counsel Robert Muller’s investigation into whether there was collusion with Russia to gift wrap the 2016 presidential election—the investigation that has hovered over Trump’s presidency like a black cloud—has in Trump’s words “exonerated him.” Trump’s cries that the investigation was a “witch hunt”…
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Court Will Consider If the Troller-in-Chief Can Use His Twitter Block Button
President Trump is the embodiment of all right wing trolls. He dishes it out, but he can’t take it. On Tuesday, federal judges will consider whether the king of making up nicknames for his adversaries and then bashing them on Twitter can block folks who hate him and his presidency. According to The Washington Post,…
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Come On Joe, Not Like This: Biden Is Clout Chasing, Mulling Over Naming Stacey Abrams as Running Mate: Report
Former Vice President Joe Biden is a lot of things, but a fool isn’t one of them. OK, fine, a fool is one of them, but this next move, if true, is so obviously clout chasing that it’s embarrassing. According to sources very high up in Biden’s business, the BFF to the best president to…
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The Man Who Allegedly Slept With a Porn Star During His Marriage Calls George Conway The ‘Husband From Hell’
We are a news organization, so despite the president of the United States being a full-on sleaze bucket who has arguably been one of the worst commanders-in-chief in the history of the country, we still have to use “allegedly” when referring to the president’s alleged elicit affairs despite how much we know they’re true. So…
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Kellyanne Conway's Husband George Diagnoses Trump's Behavior. Trump Calls Him a 'Loser'
President Trump and the better half of the Conways are continuing their war of words online after George Conway called the president’s mental health into question and the president responded (of course he did) by calling him “a total loser.” On Tuesday, Conway, the husband to Trump’s adviser Kellyanne Conway (who doesn’t favor a cadaver)……