president
-
GTFOH Trump Watch: You Better Go Look at That Border Wall While You Can
The wall that no one wanted has become a metaphor for Trump’s time in office: an unfinished, expensive waste of time and energy that will be forgotten as soon as he leaves office. On Tuesday, the president of people who shop at Big Lots will travel to Alamo, Texas, to gaze at his failure one…
-
Nancy Pelosi Contacts Top General About Keeping ‘Unhinged’ President Away From the Nuclear Codes
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi reached out to a top general to find out about adding extra steps to stop “unhinged” President Trump from using the nuclear codes. According to the New York Post, Pelosi called Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman Gen. Mark Milley about the madman in the White House and what he’s capable of…
-
GTFOH Trump Watch: Look Straight Into the Camera and Pretend to Love America
After some 60 failed court attempts to overturn the election and a failed coup, the president of people who still believe that the election was rigged has finally acknowledged electoral defeat. It only took two months, Rudy Giuliani’s human dookie face to begin melting, a whole lot of shouting from the Trump brood and an…
-
Congress to Trump: Call Tyrone and Tell Him to Come On and Help You Get Your Shit
The president should be proud. In the end, he almost made the full four years as the most unfit, unwell, unprepared and underwhelming president of the 21st century. But in the end, the sickness of narcissism caught up with him and his ego wouldn’t let the election results rest. He pushed countless, unfounded, conspiracy theories…
-
The Petty Continues: Trump’s Defense Secretary Orders ‘Holiday Pause’ on Briefings to Biden’s Transition Team
Acting Defense Secretary Christopher Miller is following in the president’s petty footsteps as he’s ordered a “holiday pause” on briefings with President-elect Joe Biden’s transition team because the goal of this administration must be to annoy the fuck out everyone. After the Trump administration had to be shamed into giving Biden the President’s Daily Brief…
-
GTFOH Trump Watch: Wait, You Wanted Us to Get the Coronavirus?
Whenever I think of herd immunity, I think of the monkey house at the zoo. If you’ve ever been to the monkey house in any zoo in the world, it smells like shit. There is apparently no way to get around it. But if you want to see the monkeys, you’re going to have to…
-
GTFOH Trump Watch: Even Mar-a-Lago Neighbors Don’t Want You
Once the president and his family are dragged from the White House, they’ve got to live somewhere, and considering how bizarre and meth-infused the last four years have been, there is really only one place for the Trump crime family to settle: Florida. Apparently, Melania is going to continue this whole act as if she’s…
-
Stunt Queen Alert: Michigan Republican Leaves GOP Over Trump’s Endless Attempts to Overturn Election
Rep. Paul Mitchell, (R-Mich.) has had enough. And by enough, I mean that babies in cages didn’t bother him nor did a wall to separate Mexico from America. Mitchell wasn’t bothered by the president’s unwillingness to show his taxes or his use of public office to bash dissenters. Mitchell was apparently fine with the president’s…
-
Trump Tells Allies He Will Run in 2024. Also Notes: You Know I Stay Lying
The president of people hoping to storm the Electoral College, which is right next to Trump University, has been telling allies that he plans to run again in 2024—and then adds that he may back out, but still fuck with me like I’m running because I love attention. According to Politico, the president has been…
-
GTFOH Trump Watch: You’ve Stolen an Election Before, So Why Won’t You Do It Now?
Georgia Governor Brian Kemp is a thief. He stole his first name from a famous crooner whose surname is McKnight and his last name from a promiscuous former NBA dunker. He stole his style from Ward Cleaver and his haircut from Colonel Sanders (not the Latinx version. Man, I want so much more for Mario…