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Trump’s at G-20, so You Know That Means He’s Tweeting Again

President Donald Trump reminds me of myself when I was in junior high school and didn’t have a girlfriend. Let me explain. I’d started a new school my eighth-grade year and I didn’t want to come in single, so I would make up stories about said girlfriend—who did exist, but we weren’t dating. Trump is currently running…

Could Someone Tell Tropicana Jong-il Jr. He Won’t Fare as Well in Politics as His Terrible Father?

Donald Trump Jr. is an asshole. He has the intellectual curiosity of a dead sewer rat, the political sensibilities of a racist Twitter egg and the charm of a spider bite. He comes across as the kind of person Richie Rich punched in eighth grade. The sort of prick who, when hearing “Niggas in Paris” blaring, wants to…

Trump’s 1st News Conference: UK Is Still Bae; Russia Remains Strong Side Chick

To the shock of no one, President Donald Trump spent his first White House news conference Friday talking about America’s side bae: Russia. That’s right, everyone, the president hasn’t been cozying up with Russia President Vladimir Putin for nothing; he’s looking to continue dating Russia, Trump announced during the…

Sean Spicer Is Building a Chrisette Michele ‘Bridge’ Alternative-Facts Mixtape

The president has had a shaky start since taking office. First his inauguration drew a whopping seven people, not counting those who watched on the internet; then he bombed at the CIA office; then he sent his press secretary, Sean Spicer, out to deliver his first statement to the press with “alternative facts,” which,…

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