president
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GTFOH Trump: Thank You, Mr. President
Thank you, President Trump for raising the sun this morning and keeping my car console fully stocked with throw-away masks. Thank you for the Supreme restock on the Air Force 1s, and thank you for Starbucks unlimited supply of chocolate croissants. And since we are thanking Trump for shit he had nothing to do with,…
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Tucker Carlson Asked a Trump Campaign Lawyer for Proof and That’s When She Shut Him Down
It isn’t like hot windbag and white hotep—he even wears bowties—Tucker Carlson to want proof before spouting out wild conspiracy theories in support of his president for life, Donald Trump. So maybe that’s what scared Trump campaign attorney Sidney Powell from appearing on Carlson’s show, Bedroom Time with Baby, on Republican OnlyFans, Fox News. Carlson…
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Wisconsin to Trump: You Want a Recount, Cool. Pay Us $8 Million and We Will Hop Right on It
Wisconsin doesn’t have time for Trump, his goofy prepaid mall-kiosk lawyers or his bullshit claims of voter fraud and has put the president on notice: You can have a recount in Wisconsin (a state he narrowly lost), but you’re going to pay for it, and we need $8 million upfront because we’ve heard about how…
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GTFOH Trump Watch: With Coronavirus Cases on the Rise, Trump Goes Golfing
So I guess the next 65 days of this presidency are going to look a lot like the final days of high school right before the summer. You know that time where you figure the damage has been done, the grades are already in and teachers have become more glorified babysitters than educators. That’s what…
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Barack Obama's New Memoir Reveals the Strain the Presidency Put on His Marriage
“If I were able to run for a third term, Michelle would divorce me.” Barack Obama told Jimmy Kimmel in October of 2016. It was obviously a joke, but in the first volume of the upcoming presidential memoir, A Promised Land, our favorite former president reveals that the pressures of the White House did add…
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Republican Senator Puts White House on Notice and Then Remembers He’s a Republican and Backtracks
I don’t know much about the spine. I know that it’s like a fuse box inside the body and that all of the central nervous system is hooked into it. I also know that baffling scientists everywhere, one GOP member is appearing to grow one back. Well, kind of. On Wednesday, Oklahoma Republican Sen. James…
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GTFOH Trump Watch: There Is No There There
Imagine the president of the United States calling his staff into the Oval Office to show them an imaginary ham sandwich on the Resolute desk. The president wants to know who put it there. One by one, staff members come in and are questioned about the ham sandwich that they don’t see. And one by…
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Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. Elected Next President of the United States
The perfect ending to a dumpster fire of a year: Righteousness has prevailed as Georgia, Arizona, Pennsylvania, Nevada stormed in like the Black Panther to help take down orange Thanos and elect Joe Biden as the 46th president of the United States. CNN and the Associated Press project that Biden will win Pennsylvania’s 20 electoral…
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Wait, Is Trump’s Campaign Encouraging Pennsylvania Voters to Mail-In Late Ballots? Sure Sounds Like It
I don’t know if the Trump campaign is trying to prove a point or trying to steal an election, but a campaign message to Wisconsin voters was looking for volunteers to call Pennsylvania voters in hopes of urging them to mail in absentee ballots by Friday, a desperate attempt to either expose a perceived flaw…
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If Biden Wins the White House, He May Still Have to Deal With Mitch McConnell, With His Mitch-Ass
After the Senate shoved judge, now justice, Amy Coney Barrett down America’s throat with that sham-ass Supreme Court confirmation hearing during an election, I wanted a Joe Biden presidency that would come in burning shit down. I wanted a president who would come in dictating shit from the job. I basically wanted Biden to come…