Politics
-
President Pussy Grabber Wants to Bring Alleged Domestic Abuser Back to the White House: Report
The president of the United States never wanted White House staff secretary Rob Porter to leave the White House. Didn’t matter that at the time of Porter’s resignation, he was facing two allegations that he’d abused two former wives. Didn’t matter that the White House knew about these allegations before the women’s allegations were reported…
-
Yes, the March for Our Lives Was About Black People, Too—and It’s About Time
The ability of the Parkland, Fla., school-shooting victims to organize nationwide gun control rallies less than six weeks after their school was attacked is nothing short of a political miracle. Even Byron Allen couldn’t have predicted the perfect storm of demographics, inept politicians, charismatic kids and engaged media that has overtaken the nation. What’s more…
-
Trump Had Unprotected Sex With Stormy Daniels and Everything Else You Didn’t Want to Know About That 60 Minutes Interview
If I were the proud owner of a vagina but had made the strategic error of allowing Donald Trump not only to be inside it but also to enter the premises without the protection of a condom, I would let that story go to my grave. I find it funny that a self-professed germophobe would…
-
Joe Biden Wanting to Punch Donald Trump Behind the Bleachers Isn’t About Toxic Masculinity or Being Tough; It’s Just Bad Politics
I got into a lot of fights when I was a kid. I’m not talking shoving matches on the playground—I mean knockdown, torn-clothes, busted-lip, black eye fights where, if I didn’t put the other kid down, he was going to come back and hurt me, usually with some other kids in tow. I wasn’t really…
-
Trump’s ‘Opioid Czar’ Kellyanne Conway Has Found the Solution to the Opioid Crisis: Ice Cream!
The reanimated skeletal remains of Kellyanne Conway were seen at the White House. Stephen, Kellyanne Conway didn’t die. But I clearly saw a skeleton speaking, which is what this story was going to be about. That was Kellyanne Conway. What? The broom with the 1980s weightlifter wig IS Kellyanne Conway … Kellyanne Conway, aka Skellyanne,…
-
President Pump-Fake Throws Another Twitter Tantrum, Threatens to Veto Spending Bill, and No One Believes Him
On Friday, President Donald Trump, who this week alone has claimed that he would beat the daylights out of former Vice President Joe Biden, explained why he made a congratulatory call to a Russian gangster posing as a president, and typed “witch hunt” in all caps, has again gone to Twitter to claim that he’s…
-
Trump Ousts McMaster and Replaces Him With Warmonger John Bolton
As of Thursday, Donald Trump is on his third national security adviser. He has ousted Lt. Gen. H.R. McMaster and replaced him with former American Ambassador to the United Nations John R. Bolton, a known warmonger and Fox News contributor. As the New York Times reports, McMaster—who never had a good relationship with Trump—was meant…
-
Cory Booker and Jeff Flake Had a Snowball Duel, and I Have Questions … a lot of Questions
I miss the old Cory Booker, the Newark, N.J., mayor who was so grassroots that he was like a New Jersey-born superhero who literally was saving people from burning buildings and pushing snowed-in cars to safety. Oh, Hurricane Sandy knocked your power out? No biggie, just slide over to Booker’s crib to watch Netflix and…
-
Trump’s Lead Lawyer Abandons White House Titanic After Realizing He’s Been Working for an Idiot: Report
Being the lawyer for a client who won’t listen has to be difficult. Being a lawyer for the “president of not listening” even when objectives are written in all caps has to be impossible. So on Thursday, the president’s lead lawyer for the special counsel investigation, John Dowd, decided that he’d been working for a…
-
Biden Would ‘Go Down Fast and Hard,’ Says Borderline-Obese 71-Year-Old With Bone Spurs
Well, this all got super stupid, super quickly. Donald Trump woke up with a bone to pick with former Vice President Joe Biden after Biden told students at the University of Miami earlier this week that he would have “beat the hell out” of Trump if they’d gone to school together. Furiously tweeting about “Crazy…