Politics
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Donald Trump Won’t Take His Foot Off Jeff Sessions’ Neck
I’ll bet every morning, Jeff Sessions slaps at his alarm and curses it until it finally stops going off. He probably lies there for a few more minutes, his arm flung over his eyes in an attempt to block out any light. If he pretends it’s not morning again, it won’t be, and he can…
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Deport Dem! Trump Administration Imposes Quotas on Immigration Judges
It’s so funny to me how those who hate to use quotas for something decent like leveling the playing field for the poor or working-class people of color (i.e., making sure there is enough diversity in schools, neighborhoods, buildings, etc.) are so quick to use them for criminal injustice (tickets, arrests and, now, deportations). Fun…
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The White House Intern Class Looks Like the President’s Cabinet and His Dream for America
This year’s White House intern class is so white, each intern has one aunt who looks like Larry Bird. This intern class is so white that when discussing said aunt’s doppelgänger, they use the word “roundball.” The average credit score of this year’s White House intern class is 905. This year’s intern class is so…
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Trump Invited Vladimir Putin to the White House; Expect the President to Change His Relationship Status on Facebook
The president has swiped right, and it looks like he’s ready to take his international Grindr relationship with Russian President Vladimir Putin all the way, as reports are stating that Donald Trump has invited Putin to the White House. According to the Washington Post, during a phone call earlier this month in which Trump congratulated…
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Texas Woman Gets 5 Years in Prison for Casting an Illegal Ballot in 2016 Election
A Texas woman on supervised release from a tax-fraud conviction will lose her freedom once again—this time for casting an illegal ballot in the 2016 election. A judge handed 43-year-old Crystal Mason a five-year sentence on Wednesday for casting a ballot before completing the full term of her sentence, including the supervised release, for a…
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In the Spirit of Trying to Resurrect Her Advertisers, Fox News Host Apologizes to Parkland, Fla., Student. Hrmmm
Life sure comes at you fast on Holy Week, huh, Laura Ingraham? The Fox News host found herself in a bind after a tweet in which she accused David Hogg—one of the most prominent student-activists to emerge in the wake of the Parkland, Fla., school shooting—of whining about being rejected from some colleges he had…
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Can Someone in the White House Run and Get the KFC Bucket off the Old Fool’s Head? He’s Recklessly Tweeting Again
President Krusty Fried Cuckold—wait, did you see what I did there? KFC? OK, let me start over. Donald Trump is recklessly tweeting again, and he’s using all caps and throwing his weight around. Somehow, someone inside the White House left the child lock off of his phone, and I guess during his morning session of…
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Is Journalist April Ryan on a White House Blacklist After Asking About Stormy Daniels?
Veteran journalist April Ryan continues to do the Lord’s work just by walking into the White House—which I’m sure at this point smells like moped smoke and zoo dirt—and asking the tough, hard-hitting questions that no one else is asking. On Tuesday, Ryan noticed that White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, aka Suckabee, didn’t…
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Jared Kushner Under White House Investigation: Report
When he’s not practicing martial arts at the Cobra Kai dojo, Trump’s son-in-law and senior adviser Jared Kushner seems to be consistently engaging in questionable business dealings. White House attorneys are looking into whether hundreds of millions of dollars’ worth of loans secured by Kushner’s family violated laws or federal ethics regulations. According to CNN,…