michael cohen
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Something Mysterious Is Happening With Michael Cohen But No One Knows Because It's Locked in a Vault
Where is Geraldo Rivera when you need him to get to the bottom of some secret vault shit?! On Wednesday, someone filed a document with something about a criminal case involving President Trump’s former lawyer and forever duffel bag carrier, Michael Cohen. And no one knows who filed it or what it says because it’s…
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Michael Cohen Might Spend His Time Behind Bars in One of America’s Cushiest Prisons Unless …
If you are white person sentenced for a white collar crime, then you want to do prison time at the cushy FCI Otisville. It’s all the rage. Located about 70 miles northwest of New York City, guests (prisoners) are treated to an array of physical activities including weights, cardio equipment, bocce ball and horseshoes. The…
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Michael Cohen Said Trump Made Him Break the Law. Trump Tweets Cohen Should Have Known Better
The president of people who buy gas-station hot dogs has awakened from his slumber, taken his morning bath in a mixture of antifreeze and peach Faygo, and started his daily tweeting regimen by explaining how he shouldn’t be held responsible for Michael Cohen’s illegal acts just because he may have told Cohen to break the…
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Trump Accomplice Michael Cohen Sentenced to 3 Years in Prison
Despite singing like he’s the real king of R&B, President Trump’s personal fixer and former lawyer, also known as the human flea, Michael Cohen, has been sentenced to three years in prison for crimes committed during his tenure with dirty dog President Trump. During an emotional and teary-eyed plea to U.S. District Judge William H.…
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Contrary to What Donald Trump Says, He Has Not Been Cleared. He’s Been Implicated in a Federal Case
“Totally clears the President. Thank you!” Donald Trump tweeted Friday, shortly after news broke that federal prosecutors had made filings in the cases against his former attorney and fixer, Michael Cohen. For whatever reason, the “President” seems to think the filings exonerate him of any wrongdoing, but he is absolutely incorrect. The filing in Cohen’s…
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This Idiot Put ‘President Trump’ in Quotes Because Not Even He Can Believe This Shit Is Real
You can tell Donald Trump is at least a little bit nervous about what may be waiting for him behind the curtain of the Mueller investigation. Nearly everyone who was formerly associated with him has in some way, shape or form fallen, turned on him or decided to take a plea deal because the weight…
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Real White Housewives Episode Recap: Trump Wants Former Fixer Michael Cohen In All the Prisons
On the last episode of the Real White Housewives the president’s former fixer Michael Cohen, whose tagline is “Go get you some hot water, cause you know I’ve got all the tea!” had agreed to cooperate in special prosecutor Robert Mueller’s investigation into all things Russia. Live footage of Cohen flipping: President Trump, whose tagline…
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Trump Calls Off Meeting With Putin Right After Michael Cohen Agrees To Sing Like Johnny Gill at His Audition for New Edition
President Donald Trump abruptly canceled his meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin Thursday noting: “Ouuuuu, bitch, they onto us!” Fine, who knows what the hell goes on in that empty pit of shame that sits atop the saggy-skinned movable KFC buckets that make up the president? But two days before he was supposed to sit…
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Trump Fixer Michael Cohen to Cooperate in Mueller Investigation. Too Bad He's Also a Liar
Michael Cohen, President Trump’s former fixer and personal attorney, has accepted a plea deal that includes cooperating with special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation on election interference, collusion and obstruction of justice. However, all of this might not amount to anything because much like his former boss, Cohen’s ass stay lying too. In fact, Cohen “pleaded…
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Michael Cohen Is Still Snitching on His Boy Donald Trump, This Time Outing His Racist Rhetoric
There was a point in time when many of us thought Michael Cohen would turn out to be the hero we need. He turned his back on his old friend Donald Trump—a man for whom he had cleaned up many a mess. He started telling tales out of school, letting us know bits and pieces…