michael cohen
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Columbus Police Admit Arrest of Stormy Daniels Was Improper
In July of last year, porn director/actress and former paramour to the president Stormy Daniels was arrested at a Columbus strip club on suspicion of inappropriately touching an undercover police officer. Prosecutors, who said the law under which Daniels, born Stephanie Clifford, was arrested only applied to performers who regularly danced at the venue. She…
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The President's Former Lawyer, Michael Cohen, Wants His Coins, Sues Trump Organization for $1.9 Million in Legal Fees
The president’s former fixer, Michael Cohen, wants all his bread, all his cheddar, and all his mozzarella so he can make a cheese sandwich before he heads off to the pokey. According to the president’s favorite newspaper, The New York Times, Cohen filed a lawsuit on Thursday against the Trump Organization, accusing them of breaking…
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Trump's Big Sad That Micheal Cohen's Hearing Upstaged His Useless Summit in North Korea
President Trump admitted Sunday that he was big sad that the congressional testimony of his former fixer and body man, Michael Cohen, was part of the reason his useless talks with North Korea’s tiny dictator collapsed. According to The Washington Post, America was more interested in the dirt that Cohen had to share about the…
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Must-See TV: Black HUD Official Lynne Patton Used Cohen Hearing to Drum Up Potential Reality Show
Congressional gollywog and Department of Housing and Urban Development official Lynne Patton, whose wig and shades briefly became the center of Cohen’s Congressional Snitchin’ Circus, may have had ulterior motives for stepping up to play the role of Rep. Mark Meadows’ black shield. According to the Washington Post, she may have been trying to hustle…
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Trump Claims Michael Cohen’s Book Proposal Was a ‘Love Letter’ to Him
After his failed summit in North Korea, President Donald Trump claimed Friday that his former hitman shopped a book that not only gushed about what a great man and leader that Trump was, but claimed it was a “love letter” to him. Because Trump is back in the United States and therefore has nothing to…
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Republican Lawmakers Believe Michael Cohen Lied to Congress, Call for DOJ Investigation: Report
Ohio Rep. Jim Jordan and North Carolina Republican Rep. Mark Meadows—two of the feistiest participants during Donald Trump’s former fixer’s Michael Cohen’s testimony on Wednesday—have referred Cohen to the Justice Department claiming he “committed perjury and knowingly made false statements” during his GOP tongue-lashing disguised as a public hearing. The trouble seems to stem from…
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It’s Confirmed, President Trump Is a Damn Dotard
President Trump’s fixer Michael Cohen revealed to Congress that he strong-armed the prodigal con artist’s alma maters to make sure the “stable genuis”’ grades weren’t released because it would unequivocally confirm that the president is a goddamn idiot. In fact, Fordham University confirmed that Cohen threatened legal action should his successions of Fs be released.…
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Rep. Elijah Cummings Threw Rashida Tlaib Under the Bus to Dry an Obama Birther’s White Tears
White people don’t need black folk to comfort them and their white tears. U.S. Representative Elijah Cummings apparently didn’t get the memo. During Michael Cohen’s congressional hearing Wednesday, GOP Representative Mark Meadows pushed back against the former Trump lawyer’s assertions that President Donald Trump is racist. He did so by trotting out Lynne Patton, his…
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Trump Is Having a Rough Few Days
Poor Donald J. Trump. Not only did his former consigliere sit in front of Congress and call him a liar and a racist, but his bae-cation with side piece and leader of North Korea, Kim Jong Un, ended without an actual agreement. It must be hard being the president—especially a president who didn’t want to…
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How Much Money Would You Pay to Watch a Donald Trump Perp Walk?
My parents and I would sometimes play this game where we brought up a thoroughly unattractive and/or vaguely problematic dare (i.e.: Driving to GetGo while butt-ass naked) and then attached increasing dollar amounts to it until you finally said yes. (“Would you drive to GetGo while butt naked for $10?” “No.” “50?” “No” “200?” “Eh.”…