kellyanne conway
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The Donald Trump Dictionary of Alternative Definitions
Do you remember when words meant things? I know it’s hard to imagine, but before Jan. 20, 2017, back in the pre-Trumpian era, during the salad days of U.S. history, when Muslims were welcome into the country and the president didn’t have the attitude of a petulant toddler, words had immutable definitions. Back in those…
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Sure, the Bowling Green Massacre Is Fake, but That Doesn’t Mean We Can’t Mourn Fake Deaths
It isn’t funny. Thousands of fictional people lost their lives! Fictional families are still in mourning trying to pick up the fictional pieces that have been scattered since the fictional Bowling Green Massacre! And it is disrespectful for us to collectively make fun of this fictional tragedy just because it didn’t happen. Senior Trump adviser…
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White House Will No Longer Send Officials on the Air on CNN: Report
The White House is reportedly giving CNN the cold shoulder and will no longer send spokespeople or surrogates on the air with the network, freezing it out from on-air administration voices, Politico reports. “We’re sending surrogates to places where we think it makes sense to promote our agenda,” a White House official told the news…
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For Kellyanne Conway Haters Who Need Support When Shouting at the TV Is Not Enough
I should have known Kellyanne Conway couldn’t be trusted when it became all too apparent that she couldn’t be bothered to place trust in a comb before appearing on national television. If that sounds cruel to you, to quote my spiritual adviser, Beyoncé, “I ain’t sorry,” so don’t anticipate any Anita Baker-grade apology from me.…
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America Is A Big-Ass Alternative Fact
The first time I lied on my dick was the summer between 5th and 6th grade, when realizing that lying about the dispossession of my virginity to impress veteran non-virgins and fellow rising sixth graders (and, more than likely, fellow liars) Aaron Ray and Anthony Allen was much easier than finding a willing partner to attempt to have sex…
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Trump, Butt-Hurt Over the Size of His … Inauguration Crowd, Lies About It (So Does His Whole Team)
Donald Trump and his squad remind me of that old ’90s classic by En Vogue. The hook goes something like this: “Lies. Lies. Using lies as alibis. Lies. Lies. Just the devil in disguise.” After vilifying the intelligence community after it reported that Russia definitively hacked the U.S. elections in his favor, President Donald Trump…
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‘Trump Whisperer’ Kellyanne Conway Named Presidential Counselor
In one of the least shocking moves since Donald Trump won the presidency, his transition team announced Thursday that the outspoken, and often misguided, Kellyanne Conway will join the president-elect’s most trusted inner circle as the counselor to the president. “Kellyanne Conway has been a trusted adviser and strategist who played a crucial role in…
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Ne-Yo and Bruno Mars Need to Sit This Party Out; Why Trump’s Team Can’t Book A-List Inauguration Performers
Recently, Kellyanne Conway, headmaster of propaganda and subsequent new queen of the remix, was asked about reports as to whether or not the president-elect’s transition team was trying to secure big names (according to The Wrap, they wanted artists like Justin Timberlake and Bruno Mars) for the looming inauguration. Conway eagerly answered, “Yes!” before adding,…