Donald Trump
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Howard Stern to Donald Trump: Get Out of the White House
Radio host Howard Stern is a little annoyed that his friend and frequent guest on his radio show, President Donald Trump, hasn’t reached out to him for advice on how to handle the accusations from porn actress Stormy Daniels. For those of you who don’t wade in thot waters (talking about the president here, not…
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The White House Is Building an Opioid Memorial to Memorialize Fallen Whiteness
Can someone tell me where the crack memorial is in Washington, D.C.? Seriously, where is the wall with the list of names of all the people gone too soon to the drug that ravaged the black community? Or, even more so, where can I find the heroin memorial in Baltimore? Baltimore has been pegged the…
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President Pussy Grabber Wants to Bring Alleged Domestic Abuser Back to the White House: Report
The president of the United States never wanted White House staff secretary Rob Porter to leave the White House. Didn’t matter that at the time of Porter’s resignation, he was facing two allegations that he’d abused two former wives. Didn’t matter that the White House knew about these allegations before the women’s allegations were reported…
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Trump Had Unprotected Sex With Stormy Daniels and Everything Else You Didn’t Want to Know About That 60 Minutes Interview
If I were the proud owner of a vagina but had made the strategic error of allowing Donald Trump not only to be inside it but also to enter the premises without the protection of a condom, I would let that story go to my grave. I find it funny that a self-professed germophobe would…
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Joe Biden Wanting to Punch Donald Trump Behind the Bleachers Isn’t About Toxic Masculinity or Being Tough; It’s Just Bad Politics
I got into a lot of fights when I was a kid. I’m not talking shoving matches on the playground—I mean knockdown, torn-clothes, busted-lip, black eye fights where, if I didn’t put the other kid down, he was going to come back and hurt me, usually with some other kids in tow. I wasn’t really…
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Trump’s ‘Opioid Czar’ Kellyanne Conway Has Found the Solution to the Opioid Crisis: Ice Cream!
The reanimated skeletal remains of Kellyanne Conway were seen at the White House. Stephen, Kellyanne Conway didn’t die. But I clearly saw a skeleton speaking, which is what this story was going to be about. That was Kellyanne Conway. What? The broom with the 1980s weightlifter wig IS Kellyanne Conway … Kellyanne Conway, aka Skellyanne,…
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President Pump-Fake Throws Another Twitter Tantrum, Threatens to Veto Spending Bill, and No One Believes Him
On Friday, President Donald Trump, who this week alone has claimed that he would beat the daylights out of former Vice President Joe Biden, explained why he made a congratulatory call to a Russian gangster posing as a president, and typed “witch hunt” in all caps, has again gone to Twitter to claim that he’s…
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Trump Ousts McMaster and Replaces Him With Warmonger John Bolton
As of Thursday, Donald Trump is on his third national security adviser. He has ousted Lt. Gen. H.R. McMaster and replaced him with former American Ambassador to the United Nations John R. Bolton, a known warmonger and Fox News contributor. As the New York Times reports, McMaster—who never had a good relationship with Trump—was meant…
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If I Wanted to See 2 70-Year-Old White Men Fight, I’d Go to Cracker Barrel This Weekend
I know, I know, I know, I know. Joe Biden is everyone’s cool and tough septuagenarian home slice. And while I’m not in the business of granting white people invites to the mythical and now waaaaaaay overcrowded cookout, I know “Uncle Joe” is on a lot of people’s invitee lists. (Also, if he is invited…
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Biden Would ‘Go Down Fast and Hard,’ Says Borderline-Obese 71-Year-Old With Bone Spurs
Well, this all got super stupid, super quickly. Donald Trump woke up with a bone to pick with former Vice President Joe Biden after Biden told students at the University of Miami earlier this week that he would have “beat the hell out” of Trump if they’d gone to school together. Furiously tweeting about “Crazy…