A demonstrator dances and sings along with the Mariachi Tapatio de Alvaro Paulino band as they perform during a demonstration across the street from the building that once housed the office space of Aaron Schlossberg on May 18, 2018, in New York City,
Photo: Mary Altaffer (AP Images)

This is the story of a man who went on a racist, xenophobic rant and threatened to call Immigration and Customs Enforcement on some of his fellow customers as well as workers at a Fresh Kitchen restaurant in New York City’s Manhattan because they were speaking Spanish in his country.

Aaron Schlossberg probably never expected to be identified and put on the internet Summer Jam screen, but that is exactly what happened. By all accounts, his life has been something of a nightmare ever since.

Good.

A GoFundMe campaign was launched to raise money to send mariachis and a taco truck to “cheer” Schlossberg up after the incident. He was later shown on video running from reporters and cameras while being asked about his racist rant.

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On Tuesday, after a solid week of being the cowardly laughingstock of the entire world, Schlossberg decided he’d had enough and issued an apology via Twitter. In the statement, he claims the video does not convey his true self or feelings, and that he is not a racist.

You don’t have to waste your time reading it. I’ve taken the liberty of doing so, and I will now blacksplain it for you so you can understand what Schlossberg’s words truly mean.

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“To the people I insulted, I apologize,” Schlossberg wrote. He wrote that because he has to. He has to appear contrite in order to attempt to sell the rest of the bullshit he is about to pad into the rest of this long-winded “apology.”

“Seeing myself online opened my eyes,” he continued. What he really means is, Holy shit! Who knew getting caught on video being a racist, xenophobic, entitled piece of shit bigot could have such swift and unrelenting repercussions? Everyone knows my name and knows how I feel now. There’s no hiding from it. It’s everywhere.

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“[T]he manner in which I expressed myself is unacceptable and is not the person I am,” he said. While wholly unacceptable, it’s definitely who he is. People don’t have bigot’s Tourette’s. You don’t randomly go on a racist outburst like that if it’s not already in you.

“I see my words and actions hurt people, and for that I am deeply sorry,” he wrote. His words and actions are hurting his reputation and livelihood, and that is what he is deeply sorry about. He didn’t think this was going to catch up to him, but it did. He can’t go anywhere now without being seen and recognized, and that is a problem for him. He wanted to be a racist xenophobe in private. He can’t do that now.

“While people should be able to express themselves freely, they should do so calmly and respectfully,” he said.

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So Schlossberg thinks it was the tone of his speech and not the content of it that was the problem?

“What the video did not convey is the real me.”

You mean it gets worse?

“I am not racist.”

LOL. Sure, Jan.

He continued:

One of the reasons I moved to New York is precisely because of the remarkable diversity offered in this wonderful city. I love this country and this city, in part because of immigrants and the diversity of cultures immigrants bring to this country.

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People speaking foreign languages is a part of cultural diversity, or didn’t you know that? And when you say you love immigrants, do you mean the same immigrants you accuse of being undocumented for no other reason than that they were speaking another language? Do you mean the same immigrants you accuse of living off of your welfare?

Aaron Schlossberg isn’t sorry for what he said. He’s sorry he got caught. He’s sorry his actions have been broadcast over the internet millions of times for everyone to see. He’s sorry that video was seen by people who control where he can conduct his business. He’s sorry that video is having a direct impact on how he makes his living.

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He’s sorry that video is making it impossible for him to be an undercover racist.

This apology, much like Aaron Schlossberg himself, is full of shit.