Stop Lying. If Donald Trump Wins the Presidency, You Aren’t Moving Anywhere

Maree Miller of Cairo, Ga., reacts to Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump as he speaks to supporters during a rally at Valdosta State University in Georgia on Feb. 29, 2016.
Mark Wallheiser/Getty Images
Maree Miller of Cairo, Ga., reacts to Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump as he speaks to supporters during a rally at Valdosta State University in Georgia on Feb. 29, 2016.
Mark Wallheiser/Getty Images

Here’s what will likely happen if Donald Trump becomes the 45th president of the United States of America: You may be shocked, you may be disgusted and you may think it’s about to be the worst four years of your life. I get it. The guy who hosted a show featuring NeNe Leakes, Brandi Glanville and La Toya Jackson has been elected president. It’s a dropkick to your better senses.


Even so, it’s highly improbable that you will move to another country. Anyone who says this is lying like hell. I know it. You know it. Yet people are threatening to do it anyway. Why even bother?

As previously reported, during a recent episode of The View, Raven-Symoné said of the looming presidential election: “My confession for this election is, ‘If any Republican gets nominated, I’m gonna move to Canada with my entire family.’ Is that bad? I already have my ticket. I literally bought my ticket, I swear.”

Bless her heart: She meant if any Republican wins the presidency, but this is the same person who said she was from “every continent in Africa.” I’d advise her to think a little harder before she speaks, but hey, that’s not my business.

In any event, joining her in this threat is fellow Disney star-turned-adult annoyance Miley Cyrus. The singer and attention seeker took to Instagram to write the following overly dramatic caption: “Yes. That is a tear rolling down my cheek dripping off the end of my nose….. This makes me so unbelievable [sic] scared and sad…. Not only for our country but for animals that I love more than anything in this world.”

Does Trump have some Cruella de Vil-esque animal policy that I know nothing about? Will animals be building the wall he keeps (falsely) promising his supporters? She went on and on before ultimately declaring, “Honestly, [f—k] this [s—t]. I am moving if this is my president! I don’t say things I don’t mean!"

Oh, girl. I guess.

Don’t get me wrong—they can both leave. I’d offer to help them pack. Still, this is a bluff. What irks me most about their empty pledges is that, given that they’re both rich and famous, they can easily evade whatever consequences the rest of us would have to contend with should a basket case win the race to become commander in chief. So, boohoo all you want, wealthy celebrities, but I wish y’all would do so in silence.


Meanwhile, publications like the New York Daily News, which has been upping its anti-Trump coverage by the day, just dropped a goofy cover for a story entitled, “The Complete Guide to Fleeing President Donald Trump’s America.” Teasing the cover, the publication tweeted: “LAND OF THE FLEE: Dust off your passports, we’re here to help you get moving.”

Joining them in these stunt-queen-like antics are Gawker, which published a piece on how to move to Canada, from someone who actually left after George W. Bush’s re-election in 2004; and travel booking service Kayak, which is giving Trump haters a one-way ticket to Canada.


It’s all in response to Google searches for “How to move to Canada” following Trump’s impressive string of wins on Super Tuesday.

Again, this is overly dramatic drivel.

Nearly half of Americans reportedly could not cover an unexpected $400 expense, but you mean to tell me that a bunch of folks are going to head over to Canada or somewhere in Europe following a Trump victory? Hardy har har, America. Hardy damn har.


You know what those petrified of a Trump presidency should be Googling instead of how to move to Canada? Voter registration, their voter precincts and their candidate of choice’s volunteer opportunities. As for the rich and famous toying with people’s nerves, they could be writing some checks to a non-Trump, non-GOP candidate. Otherwise, all of y’all can miss me with your empty promises.

See you in 2017—in America—regardless of who wins.

Michael Arceneaux hails from Houston, lives in Harlem and praises Beyoncé’s name wherever he goes. Follow him on Twitter.