Somehow, Donald Trump Keeps Finding Groups of Thirsty, Shameless and Silly Church Negroes to Meet With Him

Illustration for article titled Somehow, Donald Trump Keeps Finding Groups of Thirsty, Shameless and Silly Church Negroes to Meet With Him
Screenshot: Washington Post (YouTube)

If I am ever lucky enough to meet God, of the myriad questions I plan to ask Him (most, btw, involve lactose intolerance), one of the more pressing will be: Where exactly is the bottomless pit containing the endless cadre of thirsty, feckless, shameless, stupid and silly niggas willing to meet with Donald Trump located? Is it somewhere obvious, like maybe Detroit or Milwaukee or the Calabasas? Or maybe, is the ceaseless pit of fuckshit that these niggas emerge from found in the middle of an oil field in Juneau, Alaska?


Whichever answer He gives me will not satisfy me, though. I will likely still suspect then, as I suspect now, that they’re all produced in a Bluetooth headset factory. And that they literally cannot function without proximity to whiteness and patriarchy and power. Like, you move them 25 feet away from them and they become more and more useless, like a Comcast remote separated from its modem.

As absurd as that sounds, how else can you explain quotes like this one, from ABC News, about Trump’s meeting with a group of black pastors and ministers earlier today:

At a meeting with inner city pastors, Darrell Scott of Ohio tells Trump he is “the most pro-black president” in recent history who “actually wants to prove something to our community.” “The last president didn’t feel like he had to,” Scott told the President.

I am no longer flabbergasted and horrified that these men (and women, but mostly men) don’t realize that these types of meetings and photo ops are literally nothing but a method for Trump to have blacks genuflect to him and also provide him an alibi for charges of racism. Nope. The bottom well of feckless niggas doesn’t actually exist. They’re just from a Bluetooth headset factory, and Donald Trump is the universal modem. This makes the most sense.

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB, a contributing opinion writer for The New York Times, and the author of What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker (Ecco/HarperCollins)



What’s more hilarious: these shufflin’ preachers kissing Trump’s ring/ass thinking they’re going to get something from the man who regularly stiffs people who work for him, or Trump for thinking the opinion of these pinky ring-wearing crooks matters to the majority of black people?