So the Cavs Just Traded Everyone Except LeBron and LeBron’s Bigen

I began writing this at 1:15 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. Suggested Reading Have You Heard of The Tragic Story of Phyllis Hyman, a Beautiful, Soulful Singer Derailed By Her Own Demons? Waiting To Exhale’s 30 Years Later: Where Are They Now? If Poor Black, White People Unite, They’d Be An Unstoppable Force, But Here’s Why…

I began writing this at 1:15 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.

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Trump’s Tariffs Might Stick Around. What Should We Buy Now?
Trump’s Tariffs Might Stick Around. What Should We Buy Now?

I’m sharing this information with you just in case, in the time between literally right now as I’m typing this sentence and the time this is actually published, the Cavs also decide to trade Kevin Love, LeBron James’ barber, Tyronn Lue’s suits, a rotisserie chicken cooker, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, J.R. Smith’s pipe and an actual exhumed cavalier shipped in from England. And I just want you to know I’m doing what I can with the information available to me.

Because in the half hour before I started typing this, the Cavs basically traded their entire team. Isaiah Thomas? Gone. Dwyane Wade? Gone. Jae Crowder? Gone. Channing Frye? Gone. Iman Shumpert? Gone. Derrick Rose? Gone. Derrick Rose’s wedding certificate? Gone. And I have no clue what the rest of the day will bring.

I haven’t even bothered to see who’s on the Cavs now. I’m assuming they tried to get younger and more athletic, since their effort to get older, slower and grumpier didn’t really work out for them. I’d actually respect and appreciate if the Cavs just went full elderly and traded for Vince Carter, Charles Barkley, Morgan Freeman and Dame Judi Dench. But will see.

Anyway, NBA ACTION IS FANTASTIC!

Straight From The Root

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