Single Means Alone, Not Lonely


On Friday morning, Ann Coulter sent out a tweet about single people living empty, quiet lives of desperation and dying alone.


Without looking for more context, I responded and said that as a single person, I lead a very fulfilling life.

Of course, people were quick to jump in my mentions and correct me on my response—informing me that I had missed her sarcasm. She was tweeting about single people having to pay more in taxes than married people with families do. OK, I will concede that I took her tweet out of context, so y’all can stop tweeting me about that now.

The other interesting take that showed up in my mentions, however, was the idea that I was lying about being happily single. There’s no way I could be happy, they told me, because all single people are secretly craving a relationship; they just lie to themselves to make themselves feel better.

It all made me wonder—do people realize that “single” means alone, not lonely?

I am single by choice. I’m not sitting over here wishing I had a man to keep me company—quite the contrary. As I’ve written about before, I have my share of male companions to choose from when I want that kind of company, and they are the kind I can easily kick out when I’m done.


If I wanted a relationship, I could easily have one. To be honest, the single, nonmonogamous life just works out better for me. Not just because of the built-in variety, but because I don’t have to be bothered when I don’t want to be.

I enjoy my solitude. I live in a Hollywood studio apartment. It’s a very nice studio, and because it’s older, it’s a very nice size—but it’s just enough room in here for me. I cannot imagine having to share this space with another person. I don’t even like company that much.


Sometimes I don’t feel like talking to anyone at all. I just want to sit here in my panties, no bra, listen to my music and do me. I spend all day writing, and that takes a lot of brainpower. When I’m ready to shut down, I’m ready to shut the fuck down, and having to consider another person’s needs in that would probably drive me bonkers.

Because keeping it real, I am busy being an amazing writer. The Root keeps me busy all day and all night. Even when I’m not online, I’m online looking up stuff, researching, finding new angles and thinking of things I can write about that will be interesting for our readers.


I eat, sleep and breathe writing. It takes up most of my time. I also have other outside projects and endeavors that hold my interest. I am very comfortable with the company of self. It gives me time to work on my creative projects and fiction writing—things I don’t get to do during the day when I’m writing for work.

I recently attended a panel with Shonda Rhimes during which she said: “I’ve always been a person who lives in my imagination. I’ve never been lonely. You can’t be lonely if you have that kind of imagination and enjoy spending time in it. The made-up world is a way of bringing order to the real world.”


I related to that statement on a personal level. Most creative people are able to spend long periods of time alone without missing being around other people because the silence of self helps to birth the best ideas. I can flesh them out easier. They come to me faster.

My main focus right now is my career. I am at a high point right now, and I know that I will only grow from here, but that growth will only happen if I remain focused.


I am single by choice. I am childless by choice. I don’t even have a pet, because the level of responsibility seems to be a bit much for me right now.

I can live as selfishly as I want and not have to think about it. I make decisions based on what I want to do, and I don’t have to worry about how someone else is going to feel about it. If I want to pack up tomorrow and move to Paris or Barcelona, I can do that. I don’t have anything weighing me down or tying me to where I am right now.


This is about personal choices, and single is the personal choice I have made for myself.

Single. Alone. Not lonely.

News Editor for The Root. I said what I said. Period.


Yesha Callahan

Amen! The only time I wish I wasn’t single is when something breaks..but then I realize the men I would date don’t even own there’s that. use whatsoever.