Sen. Tom Cotton Wants to Ban Critical Race Theory From the Military, Blames BLM for Mass Shootings. God, He's an Idiot

Illustration for article titled Sen. Tom Cotton Wants to Ban Critical Race Theory From the Military, Blames BLM for Mass Shootings. God, He's an Idiot
Photo: Andrew Harnik-Pool (Getty Images)

Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton—whose surname is probably not short of I-like-my-negroes-picking-Cotton, but you never know—is the most annoying kind of racist. Like white conservatives across the nation, Cotton is very careful not to drop any n-bombs on camera but he has no problem getting in front of a microphone and launching into Klan-ish diatribes that leave Black people thinking: “Bro, that was a lot of words just to say ‘nigger’ without saying it.”

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And like many Republicans, he uses his role as a legislator to weaponize his white-ass feelings against any and all discussions on racism in America—which is likely why he has proposed a bill to ban critical race theory from being taught in the military.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: Cotton is living proof that God spent so much time on the size of white men’s ears that he (or she) completely phoned it in when it came to giving them lips Does the military even teach CRT?

Well, probably not, but, according to Newsweek, “the U.S. Military Academy Library at West Point includes one textbook about the topic in a reading list for a behavioral science and leadership course.” It’s almost as if the U.S. Military Academy Library at West Point recognizes that CRT is a concept that has been adopted by academics for decades and one that is based on volumes of research. But because white conservatives pretty much live to discredit any research that doesn’t center their beloved whiteness, Cotton dismissed CRT as “left-wing nonsense.”

From Newsweek:

Speaking to Fox News last night, Sen. Cotton said: “Our armed forces should not be endorsing, recommending or requiring for training any of this left-wing nonsense that any race is inherently inferior, or racist or oppressive.”

“When young men and women raise their hand and join our military, they should know that they are fighting for a great and noble nation,” he added. “I want to make sure that all of our young troopers are trained to love their country, and to defend the country that they love so much.”

Because I’m aware that many of The Root’s readers don’t speak Cotton-picking caucasity, I’ve taken the liberty of translating Cotton’s white nonsense:

“I have no fucking clue if our armed forces are endorsing, recommending or requiring for training any of this uppity negro shit that gives my white fragility the heebee-jeebees, but I’m proposing legislation to force them to stop doing what they probably should be doing even though I’ve provided no evidence that they’re doing it in the first place. LOOK, I JUST FUCKING HATE THE BLACKS, OK?

“When young men and women raise their hand and join our military, they should know that they are fighting for a great and noble nation that enslaved Black people for roughly 250 years and then spent the next hundred years (at least) confining them to second-class citizenship. I want to make sure that all of our young troopers are trained to love the unabashed whiteness of their country and to defend my Caucasian fragility which I love so much.

“Also, what the hell is critical race theory anyway? It has something to do with that gangster rap stuff, doesn’t it?

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Listen: I’m not going to sit here and explain the complexity of CRT to a white man who didn’t bother learning enough about it to know that it has fuck all to do with any race being “inherently inferior”—because I’ve already explained it here, here and here—I’m just going to point out that this isn’t even Cotton’s most idiotic diatribe of the week.

In fact, during a hearing on gun violence Tuesday, Cotton decided to reach beyond the peak of Mt. Caucasity in explaining that the recent mass shootings that have taken place in Georgia and Colorado shouldn’t be catalysts for an argument on gun control, but they should be blamed on *checks notes* Black Lives Matter protests.

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“Now, our friends on the left always want to go straight to gun control as a solution to this problem of violence,” the idiot with the racist last name and the future Mitch McConnell neck said. “Before we start looking at controlling the rights of law-abiding citizens and regulating their guns, and even setting the ground to confiscate their guns, why don’t we look at why this violence has increased to begin with? Notably, there has been extended systematic attacks on our police and law enforcement professionals for years, calling them racist and bigoted and prejudiced...when you make it harder to do their job, you shouldn’t be surprised that criminals take advantage.”

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So here we have Cotton griping about “the rights of law-abiding citizens” when it comes to guns while railing against the right to free speech and peaceful assembly that is part of the same goddamn constitution. He’s also feeding the stale-ass “thur gunna take muh guns” propaganda by pretending that anyone is talking about confiscating firearms—much like he’s pretending that teaching CRT to the military is even a thing.

He really is just the most annoying kind of racist.

Zack Linly is a poet, performer, freelance writer, blogger and grown man lover of cartoons

DISCUSSION

Dr Emilio Lizardo

If the military academies teach CRT, who’s gonna train the next generation of white supremacists?